


Got Me So Blind I Can't See

by ashtraythief



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bottom Jared, Jealousy, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Prince Jared - Freeform, Rough Sex, bodyguard Jensen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-30
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-12-08 06:37:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11641011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashtraythief/pseuds/ashtraythief
Summary: Jensen has loved Jared ever since he came to court. But Jared is the king’s half-brother and Jensen is just a commoner. There’s nothing Jensen can do but focus on his career in the military and bury his feelings. But when the king sends him to protect Jared on a diplomatic mission and Count Amell pursues Jared with intent, Jensen can’t hide his feelings any longer.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for stolen-voices who bid on a fic from me ages ago at an auction I can’t even remember. I have to beg for forgiveness for taking so long and sincerely hope you like what I finally came up with. I struggled a bit with the whole Stephen Amell thing and I just want to say that I have nothing against the man, personally, but for this story, he had to be the bad guy. In the end, I actually went back to combine two old prompts of yours and put them in a fantasy setting.
> 
> Many, so, so many thanks to ilikaicalie and keep_waking_up for betaing, you guys rock, and to dancing_adrift for brainstorming and plot (what plot?) help!  
> I was listening to a lot of Fleetwood Mac writing this, title stolen from Black Magic Woman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is almost complete, I'm just working out the kinks in the last chapter. Posted so I have a time incentive to finally finish it.

 

 

The whole city was buzzing with rumors for days before Prince Jared’s arrival. Ambassadors and envoys from most of the Blue City’s provinces had gathered to witness the king’s half-brother’s introduction to the court. They were worried  —  the nobles, the administrators, anyone who held power at court, anyone who could boast of having King Jeffrey’s ear.

 

Jensen wasn’t worried. He wasn’t a noble, just a commoner, and he’d had the king’s ear ever since Jensen had beaten Jeff in a duel years ago. Back then Jeff was still the prince and at just sixteen Jensen was the most promising recruit of the city’s guard. After Jensen had disarmed the prince quicker than anyone had ever managed before, Jeff, who was one of the best swordsmen in the city himself, had immediately assigned Jensen to his personal entourage. To get him the best training, he’d claimed, but when he promoted Jensen again and again, Jensen knew that his prince had plans for him. Serving his city was everything Jensen had ever wanted. He’d taken the oath to protect his city and his prince, and he knew he’d found his place in life.

 

When the old king died and Jeff was crowned, Jensen stood by his side and Jeff made him the head of the king’s guard. It was a stepping stone to more. Jensen didn’t mind; he wanted it. He wanted the challenge, the purpose. He was a good fighter, one of the best, but he was also an organizer, a strategist, a planner. Jensen wanted a high command and he knew Jeff wanted to give it to him.

 

Prince Jared and his arrival at court had nothing to do with any of that. If Jensen was inclined to worry, it would not be for himself or his position, but for his king. Distant relatives had a tendency to try to usurp the throne. When it came to Prince Jared, however, Jensen knew he didn’t need to worry. Jeff got along well with his younger half-brother; there was no suspicion or bad blood between them. Even though Jared had grown up with his mother in the province of Palto instead of at court, he and Jeff had always had a good relationship. Jeff had sent his best scholars and teachers to foster Jared’s education, and now with Jared’s mother gone, he was bringing him to court. 

 

It was unheard of to have a king’s bastard at court, but Jeff had never given much regard to protocol and court etiquette. He led the city in his own way, far more successfully than most of his predecessors. Bringing his only other sibling to court was part of that.

 

Jensen had only seen Jared once, when he’d accompanied the old king to visit his lover in Palto. The old king’s wife and queen had died many years before while giving birth to his only legitimate heir. Since her passing, the old king had had a string of lovers in the provinces but Lady Samantha had been the only one who ever bore him a child. 

 

Jared had been a happy and smiling child. Later, Jeff had shown Jensen Jared’s letters, which told Jeff in a childish looping scrawl about the lessons he was taking. Jeff saw Jared’s potential and began sending him practice questions and diplomatic scenarios to solve, exercises Jared excelled at. Jared was a bright boy. He’d be an asset to the crown.

  
  
  


Standing with the rest of the court, Jensen watched the prince arrive. He was accompanied by Master Beaver and a manservant, a young blond man about Jared’s age. 

 

Jared was seventeen now, and already tall. Jensen watched him dismount his horse, his long legs coltish but strangely graceful. His hair was a mop of windswept brown tangles  —  too long by current fashion  —  and Jared pushed them out of his face absently. Curiously, he looked around the court while the king’s herald came to greet him.

 

The people gathered were already talking, low whispers echoing through the courtyard. Jensen could hear them mocking Jared’s provincial clothes, talking about how he looked nothing like the old king —  _ was he even really his son, who knew what his mother had gotten up to when the king wasn’t around, hadn’t she taken lovers all the time _ — about how Jared had his whore-mother’s fox-tilted eyes. Cunning and deceptive, he might make a play for King Jeffrey’s throne. 

 

Jensen balled his hands into fists. It wouldn’t do to start a fight in the courtyard, but listening to their petty and mean gossip made his blood boil. Jared didn’t deserve this. 

 

Looking back at Jared, Jensen could see he was aware of the malice directed at him. Jared’s eyes, an indeterminable mix of colors, darted around nervously. His shoulders hunched up and he took an unconscious step towards the young man standing at his side. Jensen couldn't blame him; greeted by this wall of hostility, he’d be intimidated too. He felt pity for Jared; he’d need a thick skin to survive here at court.

 

Jensen kept watching him. He saw how insecure Jared was, how overwhelmed by the animosity, overwhelmed by the hostility. And he saw the exact moment when Jared straightened up and decided to meet them all head-on with his most charming smile. 

 

Jensen felt the corners of his own mouth twitch upwards. Jared’s smile was infectious. He’d be fine, this prince from the province. He had courage and determination. That day, Jensen watched Jared greet all the nobles, talk and laugh with them and effortlessly wrap them around his finger. By the end of the evening, half the people who’d met him were already raving about him.

 

It took Jared less than a year to win the entire court over. Jensen was fascinated. He’d never seen someone so effortlessly endear himself to people — especially because Jared left all of them feeling like he’d enjoyed their company the most. 

 

Then Jeff assigned Jensen to Jared’s guard. Jared was exploring the castle and the surrounding towns, and Jeff wanted his best man on the job. It wasn’t exactly the career move Jensen had in mind, but it gave him an opportunity to figure Jared out. 

 

And sometimes, he noticed Jared catching his breath, closing his eyes in exhaustion or rolling them in annoyance. Jared didn’t actually like most people at court, but he’d learned to play their game better than any of them could. Jensen was impressed. But he saw that it was taking a toll on Jared, the constant pretending and playing nice, enduring the dwindling snide comments with a smile.

 

Apparently Jared, who was usually so good at reading people and telling them what they wanted to hear, misunderstood Jensen’s concern.

 

A few months after Jensen had taken over Jared’s security detail, Jared came looking for him in the stables. He’d grown another inch, at least, and was now taller than Jensen. He hadn’t cut his hair, was still wearing his charming bowl cut with strands falling into his face, which made Jensen's fingers twitch with the desire to tuck them behind his ears. 

 

Instead of his usual smile, Jared was glaring at Jensen furiously. “I have had enough,” he announced, and Jensen was completely confused. 

 

Jared violently stabbed a finger in his direction. “I know you’re friends with Jeff. I know it’s your job to care about his safety, but I am not here to harm him, okay? I don’t want the throne.”

 

Jensen nodded, unsure where this outburst was coming from.

 

“I’ve seen you watching me,” Jared hissed, and Jensen went cold. “You watch me, all the time, with that little crease between your brows, like you’re trying to figure out what’s going on in my mind.”

 

Jensen hadn’t realized. Had he watched Jared so much, so obviously? He’d just been curious, had just wanted to unravel the mystery of Jared’s mind.

 

“What, you have nothing to say for yourself?” Jared asked angrily, standing so close now that Jensen could see all the green, blue, and golden flecks in his brown eyes.

 

“I don’t think you’d betray your brother,” Jensen forced himself to say, amazed by Jared’s fearlessness. Jensen had a reputation and no one but the king would dare to speak to him like this.

 

“Then why are you watching me all the time?” Jared’s voice was filled with frustration.

 

Jensen swallowed, his throat dry. “I was curious about you,” he said and it was true. Not the whole truth but by the gods, he couldn’t say that. He had never put it into words, had barely even allowed himself to think about it. But now that Jared was asking him, the answer was so glaringly obvious, it almost rolled off his tongue before he could stop himself. 

 

The truth was not something Jensen could ever say out loud. Jared’s mother was a noble; he was a blue blood through and through, illegitimate birth or not. Jensen was nothing but a commoner, the son of a peasant and a country school teacher. The military was the only way he’d ever rise in the ranks, but he’d never be enough to be considered anything more than a bodyguard to the prince.

 

“Well, I hope you’re satisfied now,” Jared bit out. “I’m not a threat to Jeff, or anyone here at court. I’m grateful to be here, and I plan to serve Jeff and the city as best as I can.”

 

Jensen nodded, once. “Of course. I never believed anything different.”

 

Without any opposition, Jared floundered, struggling for words as color rose in his cheeks, perhaps embarrassed by his false assumption or his outburst. Jensen took the chance to bow and walk away. He needed to leave before Jared could ask more questions, before he saw right through Jensen. In hindsight, it was better that Jared misunderstood Jensen’s attention. 

 

They didn’t speak beyond the bare necessities for months after, every interaction stiff and overly formal. Not that that changed anything for Jensen. No one had ever fascinated him like Jared did. He remained on Jared’s protection detail, and eventually there came a day when Jared started to talk to him again, to seek him out for conversations. 

 

Jensen didn’t know what had changed and tried his best to remain distant and professional, but he couldn’t help it. Jared had a way of drawing him in with his enthusiasm and his thirst for knowledge. He asked Jensen endless questions about the campaigns he’d been on, the different people he’d met. He even asked Jensen to teach him some advanced fight moves. Jared had received a solid education with the sword but Jensen knew every trick in the book. When Jared lay on his back, face sweaty and dirty, and smiled at Jensen because he’d finally lasted longer than five parries, Jensen knew he needed to put some distance between them or he’d do something incredibly stupid, like reach out and bury his fingers in Jared’s long, unruly hair. He knew he couldn’t bear it much longer, this longing that was eating him up from the inside. After a year of knowing Jared, he knew his feelings would never go away as long as he stayed by his side. So Jensen needed to leave.

 

He volunteered for the excursion to Impala, a province of the Blue City that had asked for help against a rogue warlord. When he came back, Jeff gave him command as Captain and Jensen had a whole new set of excuses to avoid Jared. At first, Jared didn’t seem to notice because he was busy with his first forays into diplomacy in Jeff’s name. But when Jensen brushed him off again and again, and cut their conversations short, Jared was hurt. It wasn’t easy to maintain his professional distance in the face of Jared’s big, confused, gold-specked hazel eyes that could rival any attention-craving puppy, but Jensen managed. 

 

He still watched Jared — watched him grow up, find his place in the city, and become one of Jeff’s most skilled diplomats. His backbone and his smile, the first things Jensen had ever admired about him, were what made him lethal at the negotiating table. He was charming and firm, and whatever knowledge Master Beaver had drilled into his head, Jared seemed to retain it all. He could dance with a delegation from the Copper Islands, talk road safety with the merchant guild, and drink with the blacksmiths. He knew every greeting ritual from even the remotest provinces, understood local dialects, and read people like they were open books.

 

He flirted too, with both men and women, charming them with his dimpled smile and twinkling eyes. Jensen couldn’t count how many times his fingernails had dug bloody half-moons into the palms of his hands when he had to watch. He knew that Jared took lovers, but he never made any move to pursue a serious courtship. Jensen didn’t know if Jeff had concrete dynastical plans for him and he didn’t ask either. He avoided discussing anything concerning Jared with his king. He’d taken an oath and he knew he could never lie to Jeff — just as he could never admit his feelings. So Jensen kept his distance, pushing Jared to the periphery of his life. 

 

Jensen took lovers of his own  —  men traveling to the city for business, never anyone who would want a relationship. He threw himself into his work, restructuring the entire guard and the training of the recruits. He travelled to every outpost, every barrack. Times were peaceful, but Jensen managed to keep himself occupied. He couldn’t let his mind go idle, because given the freedom to wander, there was only one direction his thoughts drifted. Jensen had worked too hard to avoid Jared to fall victim to his own traitorous thoughts. 

 

And for years, it worked.


	2. Chapter 2

Jensen was sparring with one of the new recruits when a palace messenger showed up on the training grounds in front of the barracks.

 

“Captain Ackles, the king wants to see you.”

 

With a quick downward swing, Jensen disarmed the recruit, who stumbled back with wide eyes.

 

“Watch your footwork,” Jensen told him. “And train your upper body strength at the obstacle course.” Then he turned to the messenger. “I’ll come see him after training.”

 

“Now, Captain.” The messenger gave Jensen a pointed look, then turned around.

 

Shit. Jensen turned to Sergeant Rhodes, who was in charge of the new recruits. “Footwork, all of them,” Jensen told her. “I’ll check back next week.”

 

Rhodes nodded grimly, then turned to the row of recruits who were lined up and watching with apprehension. “You heard the captain, you lazy bunch of desert snails,” she shouted, her voice cracking over the recruits like a whip. “Extra runs on the obstacle course until the captain isn't able to wipe the floor with you pathetic sacks of spuds in under five seconds because you’re all slower than a three-legged sloth!”

 

“He’s gonna wipe the floor with us no matter what we do,” one of the recruits muttered darkly.

 

Jensen suppressed a grin and walked towards the castle.

  
  


Jeff was waiting for him in his study. The king of the Blue City was sitting surrounded by a mess of papers with ink stains everywhere, including the front of his simple linen shirt. Three-day-old salt-and-pepper stubble was growing on his cheeks.

 

“You look like shit,” Jensen said with a wry smile. “Sire.”

 

Jeff shot Jensen a dark look, then waved him over. “Have a seat.”

 

Jensen did. “What’s going on?”

 

“How are the new recruits coming along?” Jeff asked. He was evading Jensen’s question, but that was his right as king, no matter how good their relationship was.

 

“They’re doing well,” Jensen said. “Not the most promising crop we ever had, but Rhodes is whipping them into shape.”

 

Jeff raised his eyebrows. “I heard that just today you took the time to destroy half of them in close combat.”

 

Jensen shrugged. “They need a goal to aspire to. But they’ll be fine.”

 

“Good, good.” Jeff nodded. “The rest of the guard is in shape? Not just here in the city but also in the countryside?”

 

Jensen sat up straighter. “Of course. Every one of my lieutenants keeps me updated weekly and I did my last inspection two months ago. We’re as well prepared as we can be.” He scrutinized Jeff. “Is there something else going on? Something I should know about?”

 

Usually Jeff didn’t question Jensen’s methods. Jensen had been running the city’s guard for seven years now and there had never been any problems.

 

Jeff leaned back and pursed his mouth. Then he reached for one of the papers and threw it towards Jensen’s side of the desk. “Amell didn’t renew the trade agreement I set up with his mother, and which he’s renewed every year for the last three years.”

 

Slowly, Jensen reached for the paper. Count Amell presided over the Arrowhead Mountains, bare, gray hills surrounded by fertile lands. The land’s true value lay in the mines below the mountains. The Blue City had a long-standing tradition of trade with the Amell family, exchanging their iron ore for the Blue City’s blacksmithing skills to turn it into fine weapons and tools. For Amell to break that tradition could only mean trouble.

 

“What’s the plan?” Jensen asked. “Do you want me to move troops? Or take in more recruits?”

 

Jeff sighed. “I want you to prepare three different plans for troop movement, depending on what Amell does. And you’re going to personally accompany the envoy I’m sending to renegotiate.”

 

“Since when do you want me to babysit your ambassadors?” Jensen asked.

 

“Jensen,” Jeff said dryly, “you’re the best fighter in the city.”

 

“I know,” Jensen replied, just as dryly. “And yet I haven’t done bodyguard duty in seven years. Since you made me Captain and gave me other things to do.” Being Captain of the Blue City’s guard meant that Jensen commanded all military personnel in the realm, a task extensive enough to leave little time for anything else.

 

Jeff pointed a quill at him. “And apparently it makes you cocky, if you question my orders.”

 

Jensen scoffed. “It’s not cocky if it’s true. Remember the last time I beat the second best swordsman in the city? Sire?”

 

With a crooked smile, Jeff rubbed the shoulder Jensen had hit with the flat side of the practice sword to disarm the king just last week. “I do. And that’s exactly why you’re going.”

 

“Ambassador Omundson’s guard is more than up to the task.”

 

“I’m not sending Ambassador Omundson,” Jeff said.

 

Jensen got a bad feeling. “Who are you sending?” he asked, even though he already knew the answer.

 

“Jared,” Jeff said.

 

“Jared’s in Vanca.” Jensen knew that because he had made it his business a long time ago to know where Jared was at all times so he could be somewhere else. Jared was overseeing the founding of the new university in Vanca, the Blue City’s biggest province. Furthering education had always been one of Jared’s agendas and against a lot of opposition from the treasury, Jared had fought hard to establish schools all over the Blue City’s provinces. Over the course of the last two years, he’d been wooing and convincing scholars to come to Vanca and teach. Unbeknownst to Jared, Jensen had sent a few letters of his own to help persuade scholars he knew to come to the new university, but even without Jensen’s help, Jared would have put together a great institution. Jared had a way with people, and he’d always had a vision for new endeavors.

 

Jeff smiled benevolently. “He’s coming back tomorrow. I’m giving him the day to rest and then the day after tomorrow you’re going to take him to Amell, safely, and bring him back again, also safely.”

 

“I don’t think I’m the best suited for this assignment,” Jensen said carefully. “I would be of more use here.”

 

“Jensen.” Jeff slowly leaned forward. “There are two possibilities here. Either Amell wants a better trade deal because their harvest was shit and he’s posturing so he can negotiate from a position of power, in which case I need my best diplomat on the job. The other option is that Amell wants to forge an alliance with the First Knights which is something we absolutely have to prevent, in which case I also need to send my best diplomat. However, if Amell wants to go with the Knights, Jared would be a welcome hostage to tie my hands. So I need you to keep him safe.”

 

“If it’s so dangerous, why send Jared at all?” Jensen asked, trying to keep his composure. Amell was a devious son of a bitch; Jensen wouldn’t put it past him to use Jared as leverage. “You’re right, Jared would be an excellent bargaining chip for Amell.”

 

Jeff’s expression was grim. “I know. And that’s why you’re going with him. And you will do whatever you have to to keep him safe. Is that understood?”

 

“Of course,” Jensen said without thinking. “I would give my life to protect him.”

 

“I don't worry about that,” Jeff said with a wry grin. “I worry about Jared trying to ditch you to go to some kind of secret meeting you’d disapprove of.”

 

Jensen made a sour face, trying not to remember the panic he’d felt when Jared had snuck out on a trip to the annual blacksmith market years ago. “That happened once. He was eighteen. I trust he has more sense now.”

 

Meaningfully, Jeff raised an eyebrow.

 

“I won’t let him out of my sight,” Jensen promised. And the pain and the longing that came with watching Jared and being close to him without ever being able to be as close as Jensen wanted to — that was a price he’d gladly pay for Jared’s safety.

 

Jeff nodded. “You’re a good man, Jensen. A good friend.”

 

Startled, Jensen looked at Jeff. He had wondered before if the king knew. They were friends, as close as they could be with their difference in rank. They talked, occasionally, about things that weren’t matters of state or the military. But contrary to every other person Jensen spoke to, Jeff never asked Jensen why he hadn’t settled down, why he hadn’t gotten married. Jensen appreciated that because he wasn’t sure if he could lie to his king. But putting his feelings for Jared into words was impossible.

 

Jensen stood. “I won’t let you down, sire.”

 

“I never thought you would.”

 

With a sharp nod, Jensen stood and left the room.

  


 

Jared returned from Vanca the next day. Jensen was in the stables, talking provisions with Adrianne, the stable master, when Jared and his entourage arrived.

 

For a moment, Jared and Jensen’s eyes met. Jensen inclined his head, the gesture of respect the king’s younger brother was due, then he turned back to Adrianne.

 

“We’ll leave to tomorrow at sunrise.”

 

She nodded. “I’ll have everything ready.”

 

Jensen turned away, careful not to look at Jared again.

  
  


“Your Highness.” Jensen greeted Jared with another deferential nod the next morning.

 

“Captain.” Jared’s voice was still laced with sleep. He was not a morning person. Jensen forced himself to think of it as weak. Otherwise he’d have to admit how adorable he found Jared’s slightly mussed hair and the way he inconspicuously tried to hide his yawn.

 

They were traveling with a small group. Jensen had hand-picked his best people for the trip. Alona, Aldis, and Chris were the best fighters in close combat, and Genevieve might be tiny, but she was the deadliest archer in the city.

 

Jared, as always, brought Chad with him. His childhood friend was a mixture of manservant, bodyguard, and accidental court jester.

 

“Is that everyone?” Chad asked Jensen, critically surveying their small group.

 

“Are you questioning our competence, squint?” Chris asked, clapping Chad on the shoulder with a painful-sounding smack.

 

Chad tried to hide his flinch. “Not your competence. Your _numbers_.”

 

Alona snorted. “We don’t need numbers; we have skill. Not that you would know anything about that.”

 

Gen laughed hoarsely and Chad winked at her. “Oh honey, if you only knew,” he said with a crooked grin.

 

“That’s enough.” Jensen cut them off before it could escalate. “We have a long trip ahead of us and I don’t want to spend more than two nights on the road.”

 

Jared looked at Jensen with raised eyebrows. “It’s a four day trip to the Arrowhead Mountains.”

 

“And we’re going to do it in three. Is that a problem, Your Highness?”

 

Jared’s face closed off. “Not at all, Captain.”

 

In the icy silence that followed, everyone mounted their horses. Aldis rode ahead to scout, Chris rode next to Jared, with Chad and Alona behind them, and Jensen and Gen brought up the rear.

 

Their ride was uneventful but fast. Jensen had Chris set a sharp speed, not pushing the horses to their limit, but past a comfortable gallop. Around midday, they stopped to eat and rest the horses, and by evening, they reached the last barrack before the border.

 

Everyone was tired, and after a simple meal, they went to sleep. Every barrack had a room for visiting command, and a finer one for important travelers passing through. So Jensen went to sleep in what otherwise functioned as his office, Jared got the royal suite, and the rest took whatever bunks were empty. In the barracks, they didn’t need to set up a watch. Jensen told his people to take the rest while they still could. None of them would get more than four hours a night as soon as they were in Amell’s territory.

 

The next day, they crossed the river that served as the border shortly before noon. The garrisons on both sides were surprised to see them, but Jensen and Jeff had agreed not to give Amell any unnecessary time to prep an attack, should he be intent on starting a conflict.

 

Officially, Jeff and Amell were still allies, so there was no problem crossing the border, but Jensen didn’t miss the messenger pigeons Amell’s garrison sent towards the Arrowhead Mountains.

 

Neither did Gen. “Shall I take them down?”

 

“No. The king wants a peaceful solution so we’re going to approach in good faith.” He gave her a grim smile. “That doesn’t mean we’re not going to be careful.”

 

She nodded. Her eyes never left the horizon, already scanning the landscape for potential danger.

 

They rode through Amell’s lands, fields getting greener, the summer crops in full bloom. They avoided villages and small towns, and when night fell, they made camp in a small grove of trees up on a hill. It was easily defensible, and with the clear, starry sky and the moon almost full, they’d have good visibility. Jensen assigned the watches and then went to catch a few hours of sleep. If someone were to attack them, they’d do it shortly before dawn, when Jensen intended to keep watch with Gen.

 

Chris woke him a few hours before sunrise, and Gen and Jensen took their positions at opposing sides of the camp. The night was cool, filled with the noises of animals scurrying through the trees and the underbrush.

 

Behind Jensen, the trees cracked and he whirled around, sword already drawn, to see Jared walking towards him through the trees.

 

Jared raised his hands placatingly and Jensen half-sheathed his weapon.

 

“What’s wrong?” he asked quietly.

 

“Nothing,” Jared said and then sat down next to where Jensen had been leaning against a tree.

 

Apprehensive, Jensen took his former spot on the soft moss. He and Jared hadn’t had a real conversation in years.

 

“So you really think they’re going to attack us out here?” Jared asked, voice low.

 

“You’re the diplomat,” Jensen said, surprised by Jared’s question. “This is your area of expertise.”

 

Slowly, Jared nodded. “It should be. But the thing is, I saw Stephen in the spring and there was no hint that he wasn’t happy with our alliance. Jeff said he suspects the Knights.”

 

“Commander Huffman is devious and power hungry,” Jensen said. “She’s always wanted better access to Amell’s ore.”

 

“I’ve never met her,” Jared said, looking at Jensen with guarded eyes. “What’s she really like?”

 

Jensen knew what Jared was referring to. The Knights were a sect of ultra-religious fanatics, intent on ruling the world according to their scripture. They were ruthless and more than one story told a tale of their commander drinking the blood of her enemies and sacrificing babies.

 

“I don’t think she actually eats children,” Jensen said dryly. “She is cruel and vicious though. But she can be very charming, when she wants to be. She might be able to turn Amell’s head.”

 

Jared made a thoughtful sound and looked out at the countryside.

 

“I’m sure Master Beaver has told you all of this,” Jensen couldn’t stop himself from saying. This was his problem with Jared; he always felt driven to figure out what was going on inside his head. “Why are you asking me?”

 

Jared gave him a sardonic smile, his teeth bright in the darkness. “Despite your thorny attitude, I value your opinion. I always have,” he added quietly, before he continued with a steady voice. “You’re one of the few people I know who’ve dealt with the Knights.”

 

Jensen decided to ignore the jab about his attitude. It would not be wise to open that particular door. Neither would dwelling on Jared’s reminder of their past. They hadn’t been friends, not really, but there had been something there, something like camaraderie.

 

“They’re well organized and well trained,” Jensen said, forcing himself to stay on topic. “Their biggest problem is their resources. The majority of people under their rule resent them and are not very forthcoming with tribute. They lack volunteers so they have to take kids in early and brainwash them to their cause. That either leads to resistance and runaways, or soldiers so used to following that they lack any kind of independent thinking. Which is good for an open battlefield but bad in the guerrilla warfare they like so much.” Jensen looked at Jared. “They’re not a threat to us, not on their own, but if they got Amell’s ore and cut off our supply we’d have a problem.”

 

Jared shook his head, his forehead scrunched up in thought. “They don’t seem like people Stephen would form an alliance with. I still think he just wants a better deal because of their harvest. But it wasn’t actually that bad last year and he’s usually too proud to ask for help.”

 

“Then what does he want?” Jensen asked.

 

“I don’t know. I’ve been racking my brain since Jeff told me. I thought for sure it must have been an alliance with the Knights. But if it’s as you say, he’s too smart to make a deal with people like that.” Jared’s face scrunched up the way it always did when he was contemplating a problem. It was both adorable and inspiring because it usually preceded Jared coming up to a solution for whatever issue he was working on.

 

“The only thing this gets him is an envoy from Jeff, and—” Jared broke off. “Oh,” he said softly.

 

“What oh?” Jensen asked sharply.

 

Jared tilted his head with a slightly sheepish smile. “Stephen likes me.”

 

“Likes you?” Jensen asked incredulously.

 

“People do that, you know.” Jared’s voice was full of sarcasm.

 

Jensen waved him off impatiently. “Of course they do. But if he would risk a treaty just to see you again…” He trailed off. He and Jeff had talked about Amell trying to take Jared hostage but what if it was something else he wanted? Something more permanent? Jared was an excellent prospect to marry by all accounts — and Jensen knew that Amell wasn’t stupid. Jensen knew he was shrewd enough to know what an asset Jared would be to his court, not to mention the connection it would get Amell to the Blue City. Jared’s beauty was really just a bonus, though not an unsubstantial one.

 

“He wants to marry you,” Jensen stated. His voice was sober, not giving away his inner turmoil. If Jared were to marry Amell, he’d leave the Blue City permanently.

 

Jensen might avoid Jared to give his aching heart some relief, but thinking of him marrying someone else made his stomach tighten into a ball of hard anger. He’d always known that day would come, but to have it so close—

 

Jared just laughed quietly. “That’s ridiculous. Stephen needs an heir.”

 

“But then—”

 

“You do know that people can have fun together, right?” Jared gave him a dirty grin.

 

“Is that what you do on your diplomatic missions?” Jensen asked harshly. “Have fun?”

 

Jared’s face hardened. “Don’t be stupid. I’m well aware of who I am. I don’t go around sleeping with our allies. But flirting is a good way to move difficult negotiations along.”

 

Jensen couldn’t believe it. “We might be riding through potentially hostile territory because of that flirting.”

 

“He’s not hostile; he’s courting me,” Jared said with a supremely satisfied expression on his face.

 

“We’re not out here so you can get your ego stroked,” Jensen hissed.

 

Jared glared at him. “No, we’re out here because Stephen is one of our most important trade partners. If I have to smile at him to get a good deal, then that’s what I’m going to do. Fuck, Jensen, I know what I’m doing.”

 

“You’re whoring yourself out is what you’re doing.”

 

“Don’t you fucking dare!”

 

Suddenly, Jared was in Jensen’s face, eyes glinting angrily and his mouth a thin, hard line. Jensen knew he should stop; he shouldn’t talk to Jared, his prince, like this but this side of Jared had always made him furious.

 

“This is not a fucking game, Jared. I know you like to charm everyone with your smile and your dimples, but we’re talking a potential war here. What if he doesn’t know it’s a game, huh? What if he thinks he actually has a shot here?”

 

Jared’s chest was heaving angrily, but he didn’t pull back. “So what?”

 

“So what?” Jensen repeated, forcing himself to keep his voice down even though he wanted nothing more than to yell in Jared's face. “You want to actually marry that asshole?”

 

“Asshole? You’re forgetting your place, _Captain_.”

 

Jensen pulled back like Jared had slapped him.

 

“Who I marry is none of your concern,” Jared said quietly, voice filled with cold fury.

 

Jensen took a deep breath and tried to force down the rage building in his chest. “You’re right. I apologize, Your Highness. You’re of course free to marry whatever asshole you choose.”

 

Jared’s nostrils flared. “You know damn well I’m not,” he said tightly.

 

Now Jensen felt like Jared had punched him right in the stomach. Of course, Jared couldn’t just pick a husband or wife. When he married, it would be for a strategic alliance, with Jeff’s blessing and the Blue City’s best interest in mind.

 

Jensen tried to think of something to say but he came up blank.

 

“Unbelievable,” Jared muttered and stood up. “You know, when I came to court, I thought you didn’t like me because you thought I was a danger to the crown. But then you said that wasn’t the issue and I believed you. Everything was okay until I went to Vanca the first time and suddenly I didn’t exist anymore. So it made me wonder, maybe you _did_ think I was a danger to the crown — not because I wanted the throne but because I’d screw up. That I wasn’t fit for diplomacy.”

 

“What?” Jensen’s head whipped around to stare at Jared. He had no idea what Jared was talking about “No, Jared, that’s—”

 

“It worked out in the end, okay?” Jared hissed. “I know that I offended the Duchess of Vanca. I know I made a stupid mistake. You told me often enough that I needed more decorum but I managed to make it right again. But when I came back you just cut me off.”

 

“No, Jared, that’s not it.” Jensen almost had to laugh. While he’d been in Impala, fighting a hostile warlord to escape his feelings for Jared, Jared’s first diplomatic mission hadn’t gone smoothly, exactly, but the Duchess of Vanca was not an easy person to get along with on her best days. “I never thought you weren’t fit for the job. When the Duchess wants to pick a fight with you, there’s nothing you can do. It wasn’t your fault.”

 

Jared stared at him wide-eyed, like Jensen had just upended his entire worldview. “Then _what_ is your problem?”

 

“I don’t have a problem,” Jensen said calmly.

 

Jared huffed and dragged a hand through his hair. Jensen balled his hands into fists.

 

“You should get some more sleep,” Jensen said, and it came out softer than he intended. “We have a long ride ahead of us.”

 

“Yeah,” Jared said darkly and turned back to the camp.

 

Jensen let himself fall back against the tree, then slammed his head against it once. It wasn’t nearly as painful as Jared staring at him with helpless fury in his eyes.

  
  


 

When morning broke, Jensen woke the camp. Jared and Chad had a hushed conversation after which Chad gave Jensen stink-eye for the whole day. Jensen’s people picked up on it and were in turn snappy with Chad. They didn’t dare turn against Jared — they liked him better than Chad anyway. But throughout it all, Jared was perfectly polite to Jensen, if distant.

 

Jensen tried to convince himself it was better this way. He wasn’t successful.

 

They reached Starling, Amell’s capital, just as the sun began to set. The messengers had clearly already informed the count of their impending arrival because he greeted Jared with fanfare even as he gave him a reproachful smile.

 

“Jared! Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”

 

Jared gave Amell his most charming, deep-dimpled smile. “It was a spur of the moment thing, Stephen, and I didn’t want you to feel obligated to come up with some kind of festivity in my honor at the last minute. But let’s go inside. We have a lot of things to talk about.”

 

Amell smirked. “That we do.”

 

In a rare moment of camaraderie, Chad and Jensen both made a disgusted face. While Jensen forced his face back into a smooth mask, Chad actually gave him a triumphant grin.

 

Shit. Jensen hoped Chad was just glad to see a chink in Jensen's professional facade and didn’t put any significance on Jensen’s hostile feelings towards a possible suitor of Jared’s.

  
  


Jensen’s people had strict instructions never to let Jared out of their sight, but at the banquet that evening, they were delegated to the far end of the hall with the other commoners. Because of Jensen’s rank, Amell wasn’t able to deny him a seat at the high table, but Jensen was still placed farthest away from Amell and Jared.

 

It was better that way. It was bad enough to see Jared smile and talk while Amell shot him dirty smiles and tried to touch him whenever possible. If Jensen also had to hear what they were saying, he might commit murder, diplomatic consequences be damned. It filled him with a dark satisfaction that Chad looked as pissed as Jensen felt. Chad eventually started flirting with Amell’s sister so he wouldn’t have to be part of their conversation.

 

After the last course had been cleared, the wine continued to flow generously. Finally, Amell stood, bid his goodbyes to the court, and held out a hand to Jared. With a pleased smile, Jared took his hand and together they left the hall. Jensen stood to follow, but Jared turned back and shook his head almost imperceptibly.

 

Fuck that. Jensen gave them a head start then followed. The guards at the hall’s exit watched him warily but didn’t stop him. They knew him; Jensen had been to Starling before. And right now, Jensen was still the military commander of a close ally.

 

Jensen walked the winding halls of the castle that led to the gardens. The Starling castle was famous for its roses, growing tall and blossom-heavy along wooden arches and beams, creating beautiful, thorny avenues and arbors.

 

A guard was stationed at the door to the rose garden and he actually stepped in Jensen’s way.

 

“I’m sorry, Captain, but Count Amell does not want to be disturbed.”

 

Jensen eyed the guard calmly, then pointedly rested his right hand on his sword’s pommel. “Prince Jared’s safety is not something the count has any authority over. Now, if you think there’s anyone in this castle better suited to guard Prince Jared, I’d be happy to meet them. Otherwise you will let me pass.”

 

The guard was a few inches taller than Jensen and wider in the shoulders, yet he licked his lips nervously. “I assure you, Captain, there is nothing in this city to worry about. No harm will come to your prince.”

 

Jensen gave the guard a pleasant smile. “Again, that is for me to decide. Unless you have someone more competent in assessing his danger.”

 

The guard swallowed nervously, managing to hold Jensen’s eyes for another breath, then he looked away.

 

Jensen stepped past him and pushed the heavy wooden door open. He was assaulted by the rich scent of thousands of roses. The garden was lit with torches but it was still dark, the leaves and blossoms hiding the light away.

 

Silently, Jensen closed the door, then listened for voices. They drifted over from his left so he quietly walked towards them.

 

At first, Jensen couldn’t make out words, only quiet murmurs, Jared’s soft laugh, and Amell’s loud and boisterous voice. Jensen knew Jared’s real laugh, knew how it sounded when he laughed with Jeff or his friends, full-bellied and loud. With Amell, he was pretending. It made Jensen sick. He understood the realities of diplomacy but Jared shouldn’t whore himself out to every ruler who liked his smile.

 

Jensen drew a deep breath and walked closer. He knew he was eavesdropping but Jeff had explicitly ordered him not to let Jared out of his sight, especially if Jared wanted to sneak off to a meeting alone.

 

“... time I see you, you are more beautiful than the last. How is that possible?” Amell asked.

 

Jensen suppressed a growl and quietly knelt behind a rosebush. Through the leaves he could see half of Jared’s back and Amell sitting across from him, looking at Jared with a winning smile.

 

Jared drew back infinitesimally. “Stephen.” He sounded bashful but his body language said otherwise.

 

When Jared didn’t continue, Amell leaned back and crossed his arms in front of his chest, pumping his biceps. “You know Alaina — Commander Huffman I mean — was here. She was very charming.”

 

Jared tilted his head. “Are you trying to make me jealous?”

 

Amell grinned. “Is it working?”

 

“I can’t deny that I’d be happier if you didn’t see her.”

 

Amell laughed, then he moved towards Jared. Jensen’s whole body tensed, ready to intervene. Jared clearly didn’t want this and Jensen wouldn’t let it happen, not even for trade and peace.

 

A few inches from Jared’s face Amell paused. He looked at Jared searchingly, but Jared hadn’t moved, was still sitting straight, his hands clenched in his lap.

 

“Ah,” Amell said, like he’d understood something, and drew back. He looked disappointed but he seemed resigned, not surprised. “I thought things might be different now.”

 

There was a short pause before Jared answered. “I hoped they would be too. But it seems I was wrong.”

 

Jensen had no idea what they were talking about and he had to fight the nasty surge of anger that came with the knowledge that Jared had shared something intimate with Amell.

 

Amell reached for Jared’s hand. “Is there any way — no, don’t say no yet. I’m not proposing marriage here.” Amell smiled self-deprecatingly. “I don't want you running away. But I was hoping you’d spend the night with me. Just, let’s see if there’s maybe something here if we give it a chance. Because, Jared, I want you. This here, between us, this could be good. It could be _real_. Why not try?”

 

Jared let out a short laugh, the first honest noise Jensen heard him make. “Trust me, I’m tempted. But we had a long ride, and right now my head’s just not in the right space. Let’s sleep on this, and then tomorrow after we’ve got this treaty hiccup out of the way, how about we have dinner, just the two of us. Out here maybe?”

 

Jensen clenched his teeth. He had to give it to Jared; he was good. He doubted he’d be able to say no to that offer, and he actually had a reason to stay away from Jared. Amell didn’t.

 

Predictably, Amell grinned widely, confident in his victory, and raised Jared’s hand to his lips. “It’s a date.”

 

When Amell and Jared stood, Jensen quickly rushed back to the door. When he opened it, a different guard than before was stationed outside and he didn’t comment on Jensen’s presence.

 

Jensen waited until Amell and Jared came out. Amell just gave him a nod but Jared glared at him.

 

Jared couldn’t act on his anger because Amell was still there. Amell elaborately said his goodbyes to Jared, kissing the back of his hand and promising him a meeting and dinner for the next day. Jensen couldn’t watch.

 

“I told you to stay behind,” Jared hissed at him when they were out of earshot of Amell and the guard.

 

“And your brother the king explicitly told me not to let you out of my sight.”

 

Jensen realized he’d said too much the moment Jared stopped to turn to him. “You were in the garden?” he asked, his voice nothing more than an aghast whisper.

 

“Of course I was,” Jensen defended himself. “Who knew what Amell was going to do?”

 

“I knew,” Jared bit out, “because it is my job to know this. The worst thing Stephen would have done was kiss me before I had time to duck out of the way.”

 

“And I’m starting to think you wouldn’t mind.”

 

“So what if I did?”

 

Jensen froze. “You said it yourself, you don’t just climb into bed with other rulers.”

 

Jared huffed. “I can make an exception once.”

 

“No, you fucking can’t.” Jensen shut his mouth forcefully before he could say anything else that would give him away.

 

Jared was staring at him angrily. “And why is that, Captain?”

 

Jensen ground his jaw. “It could jeopardize the negotiation,” he finally managed to press out but he knew it was a ridiculous reason. If anything, it would be to their advantage.

 

Jared seemed to think the same because he just snorted and turned around. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Captain. And if you interfere with my negotiations, not even your friendship with Jeff will save you from punishment.”

 

Jensen couldn’t think of anything Jared could actually do to him but he let him have this moment. Besides, Jensen needed to get himself under control or he might say something truly stupid.

 

Instead, he got himself a bottle of wine from the kitchen, stationed Alona and Aldis outside of Jared’s door, not caring about the palace guard’s protests, and went to his room. He needed to sleep, preferably without the image of Amell kissing Jared’s hand haunting his dreams.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the longer wait but moving takes so much time... Last chapter is written and is with my beta so it will be up by the weekend. Thanks for your patience and feedback!

 

 

The next day at breakfast, Jared asked Stephen to see the mines. Stephen couldn’t say no to Jared’s request, even though Jensen bet he wanted nothing more than to get Jared alone. Instead, they rode out to the mountains and toured Stephen’s most fruitful ore mine.

 

Jared was very interested in all the proceedings and the machinery, questioning the miners about their work and listening intently as they answered. Jared even insisted on crawling into a narrow tunnel to inspect a large ore vein. Jensen almost had a heart attack but Jared could not be dissuaded. Jensen tried to draw the line when the foreman invited Jared to travel down a shaft accessible only by a small, three-man basket, but he was overridden again. So he squeezed himself into the basket with Jared and the foreman, much to the dismay of Amell, who had clearly wanted to go with Jared.

 

“Why are we doing this?” Jensen asked quietly, when he was standing squashed against Jared’s back, forced to inhale the fresh scent of his hair. “This is an unnecessary risk.”

 

“If it’s safe enough for the miners,” Jared said, voice at its usual volume, “then it’s safe enough for the prince of the Blue City.”

 

The grumpy foreman actually smiled at that.

 

For the rest of the inspection, Jensen stayed quiet. Whatever Jared’s agenda, Jensen hoped it was a good one. Either he actually was considering marrying Amell and was already making a good impression on his future subjects or there was another plan at work here.

 

“Does Jeff know about this?” he asked when they were finally topside again and Jared had announced he wanted to see the barracks the miners lived in.

 

“No,” Jared whispered back, not even denying he had an agenda. “And if you could stop asking questions, that would be extremely helpful right now.”

 

“You do know that I’ll give him a full report on this journey,” Jensen pointed out.

 

Jared turned to him, eyes hard. “Jensen, you said you think I can do this job. So whatever issues you have with my methods, maybe you could get over yourself and trust me. I’ll talk to Jeff about this myself when we get back.”

 

Grudgingly, Jensen fell quiet and watched Jared talk to the miners’ families, inspect their homes, and criticize in the kindest possible way the poor living conditions Amell had set up for the miners.

 

“They’ll get more materials for the school, right Stephen?” Jared asked when they were inside the building where the miners’ children studied. “After we work out the new treaty?”

 

“Of course,” Amell said grandly, but Jensen could see he just wanted to placate Jared.

 

Jared’s nostrils flared briefly, a sure sign he was angry, but Amell didn’t seem to pick up on it. But Jared’s face smoothed out almost immediately and he beamed at Amell, took his elbow, and dragged him outside again. Jensen resisted the urge to punch the wall.

 

They picnicked halfway back to the castle. Jensen forced himself to watch their surroundings so he wouldn’t have to see Jared and Amell sitting on a blanket and Amell actually feeding Jared pieces of food.

 

Jared was laughing, a melodic, quiet laugh that promised every debauchery the mind could come up with and was so fake Jensen wanted to hurl. Amell was laughing with him, showering Jared with compliments, and Jared had an answer for every one of them, good-natured teasing that said no but could just as well mean yes. By the time they finally rode back to the castle, Jensen just wanted to find a sparring partner and fight until his muscles hurt so much he couldn’t feel the anger anymore.

 

When Jared and Amell retreated to talk about the actual agreement, Jensen finally saw his opportunity. He posted Alona and Chris at the doors of the conference room with strict instructions not to let anyone else inside, and not to leave Jared’s side when he came out. Then he went looking for a suitable opponent. He knew a few knights from his last trip to the Arrowhead Mountains and all were eager to fight the legendary captain from the Blue City.

 

Jensen wiped the floor with them all. His anger made his parries harder and quicker. His need to not think made him focus with all his capacity on the fight, his opponents, and their weapons. Only Lady Cassidy, Amell’s first knight, proved to be a real challenge. Her technique was flawless and her reactions were quick, but ultimately, Jensen was able to disarm her with a complicated parry.

 

He felt better afterwards, until he entered the great hall for dinner and saw Jared and Amell sitting closely together, smiling and talking quietly.

 

When Jared saw him coming, he rose and walked over to him with a worried expression.

 

“What is it?” he asked quietly, but his voice still carried. Amell watched them attentively.

 

“Nothing,” Jensen said curtly.

 

Jared’s expression didn’t change but now he whispered. “With your dark expression, you could have just gotten news of Jeff’s death. Now, _I_ know this is your standard pissed-at-me face, but Stephen doesn't, so how about you give me urgent news from home so we have to leave early tomorrow morning?”

 

Sardonically, Jensen raised his eyebrows. “Don’t wanna play whore tonight?”

 

“Don’t you dare,” Jared said quietly, his voice ice-cold with fury. “Don’t you ever call me that again.”

 

“If the shoe fits,” Jensen replied just as quietly, taking a perverse pleasure in seeing Jared’s face twist in anger.

 

Then Jared stepped back, his face marked by worry lines. “I will talk to Stephen at once,” he said, voice normal again. “Prepare everything for an early departure tomorrow. I want to leave at sunrise.”

 

Jensen bowed deeply to hide his sneer. “Of course, Your Highness.”

 

Jared turned and walked back to the table. “Stephen, I am so sorry,” Jensen heard him say before he turned away. He couldn’t bear to hear Jared’s voice dripping with false regret, couldn't watch him flirt with Stephen anymore. Jensen left the hall and walked down to the stables. He had a journey to prepare.

  


When Jensen came back to the banquet, both Amell and Jared had already left. Grinding his teeth, he made his way to Jared’s rooms. He had to talk to his prince to coordinate their departure and he didn’t care what he’d disturb. Jared was in his rooms, but instead of Stephen, who Jensen had expected, he only found Chad with him.

 

“I’ll leave you to it,” Chad said, shooting Jensen a cold look as he left.

 

“What do you want?” Jared asked once the door had fallen closed behind Chad. His shoulders were slumped, he was slouching heavily against the backrest of the sofa he was sitting on, and his voice was low. He was tired.

 

Jensen’s anger dissolved. He always hated seeing Jared like that, exhausted after a long day of playing court.

 

“I have prepared everything for our return. We can leave at sunrise.”

 

“Good,” Jared said curtly. Jensen was dismissed.

 

He was reluctant to leave Jared when he was so obviously vulnerable, but then he remembered why Jared was that way, how he had flirted with Amell the whole day, and his fury was back.

 

“Your Highness.” He bowed and turned to leave.

 

“Captain.” Jared’s voice cut through the room like a sword. “One more thing.”

 

Slowly, Jensen turned. Jared was sitting up, watching Jensen with cold determination.

 

“You will never call me a whore again, do you understand?”

 

Jensen had regretted it as soon as his anger abated. Again, he bowed. “Of course, Your Highness. I apologize.”

 

Jared watched him, helpless confusion in his eyes, and Jensen was reminded of the seventeen-year-old boy who’d come to court, scared and confused, who’d straightened his back and faced the vultures head on.

 

His thoughts must have reflected on his face because Jared shook his head, bewildered.

 

“I just don’t get you,” Jared said. “You were there, when I came to court. You saw what happened. And you were one of the few people who were actually nice to me.” Jared dragged a hand through his hair in agitation. “I mean, you were distant, but you didn’t have an agenda when we talked. And you taught me to fight. You know how hard it was — how they talked behind my back about my mother being nothing but a whore, how I might not even be the king’s son. You had to have heard the gossip.”

 

Jensen nodded woodenly. Jared hadn't ever talked about his mother to Jensen before.

 

“I thought so,” Jared stated hollowly. “All my life, people talked about my mother, the king’s whore, whose son looked nothing like him, like his brother. They called me a cuckoo’s child, did you know that? Back in Palto.”

 

Jensen shook his head. He had no idea.

 

Jared smiled bitterly. “Oh yeah. And my mother had other lovers, after I was born. So of course, everybody thought I couldn’t be the king’s son. I mean, you knew him, you’ve seen Jeff. We look nothing alike.”

 

“You look like your mother,” Jensen said quietly. “She was beautiful.”

 

Jared nodded. “My beautiful whore mother. I’m just like her, aren’t I? Isn’t that what you think?”

 

“I never thought your mother was a whore,” Jensen said. “Never.”

 

Jared fixed him with a hard look. “But you think that’s what I am.”

 

Jensen took a deep breath. He knew his feelings for Jared were making him irrational. He knew Jared’s flirting was harmless, wasn’t anything more than a tool that any diplomat or ambassador would use to charm their way through a difficult negotiation. Except when it came to Amell. Jensen had never seen Jared act like he had today.

 

“I don’t think you’re a whore,” Jensen forced himself to say. “You’re charming and sometimes you flirt, but it’s nothing that others wouldn’t do and everyone knows it’s not serious. But yesterday and today were different.”

 

Jared tensed and Jensen forced himself to continue. “I think you’re too good a negotiator to resort to flirting with Amell like that.”

 

Jared let out a harsh laugh. “Did it ever occur to you that maybe I like flirting with Stephen? That I like _him_?”

 

“But you don’t,” Jensen shot back irritably. “I can see it, in the way you draw back and in the way you laugh, all soft and fake. You don’t like him!”

 

“Well, maybe I want to,” Jared said angrily and stood. He started pacing. “Stephen actually wants to marry me, despite the fact we’d have to adopt an heir. He still wants me. He wants _me_. And why do you even care about this?”

 

“Because you deserve better!” Jensen realized he was shouting and forced his voice back to a normal level. “You deserve better than some smarmy mountain count and you deserve better than to marry a man you want to love but can’t even like.”

 

Jared stood frozen, staring at Jensen. “I deserve better,” he repeated slowly. “You think I deserve better. That’s why you’re standing here, yelling at me.”

 

“Yes.” Jensen hesitated. “And I apologize for the yelling.”

 

Jared tilted his head, still watching him. “No need to apologize,” he said and took a step towards Jensen.

 

Jensen stood rooted to the spot, couldn’t move as Jared came towards him, step by step.

 

“You think I deserve better,” Jared repeated it again, like a mantra, like Jensen had said something profound, something world-altering, and when Jared didn’t stop, but kept coming closer and closer, Jensen feared he had.

 

He still was entirely unprepared when Jared didn’t stop, just stepped into his space and kissed him. Jared’s lips were soft, but his mouth moved insistently against Jensen’s and Jensen reacted on instinct, raising his hands to bury them in Jared’s hair and kiss him back.

 

Jared made a sound, a tiny little triumphant noise that brought Jensen back to reality. He was kissing Jared. He was kissing his prince.

 

Tearing himself away from Jared was almost physically painful but he stepped back, put some much needed distance between them. Jared’s cheeks were flushed and he was breathing heavily. Jensen wasn’t doing much better. His fingers were itching to reach for Jared’s hair again, to pull him close against Jensen’s body.

 

“Jared, we can’t.” Jensen forced the words out of his mouth. “I don’t know what’s going on in your head but this can’t happen.”

 

“What’s going on in my head is that I finally figured out why you were watching me. Why you kept your distance. Why you practically disappeared from my life. You want me. You’ve always wanted me.”

 

There was no lie Jensen could tell that Jared would believe.

 

“I apologize,” Jensen said formally. “I never intended for you to find out.”

 

Again, Jared was scrutinizing him like he was trying to figure out a puzzle. “Why?”

 

“You’re a prince. I’m a commoner.”

 

“You are the Captain of the Guard. And I want you too.”

 

“It doesn’t matter,” Jensen said, trying to put some finality in his voice. Jared could want to sleep with Jensen all he liked, but it could not happen. Jensen knew he’d never recover if he touched Jared like that even once.

 

“So you want me to go back to Stephen?” Jared’s words rang inescapably in the quiet room.

 

Jensen took a deep breath, trying to stay calm. He knew when he was being goaded. “You don’t want Stephen.”

 

“I don’t want to be alone either. All this time I thought you just didn’t like me, and I could live with that. But knowing you want me — and don’t even think of denying it, you kissed me back, you fucker.” Jared’s eyes were glinting angrily. “You do want me but you want to deny us this? Because of some stupid sense of propriety? Fine. I am not living like a monk. I deserve to be wanted.” Jared raised his chin. “And Stephen wants me.”

 

“Stephen wants a trophy,” Jensen bit out. “He doesn’t even know you. He just knows this fake, flirty, teasing person you pretend to be for him. He wouldn’t even know what to do with the real you if you ever showed him.”

 

“But you would?” Jared asked derisively.

 

“I know you,” Jensen said quietly.

 

“And yet, all this time, you had no idea that I wanted you.”

 

“Because I didn’t want to know,” Jensen shouted. “Because I never let myself think about it. But I saw how hurt you were when I pulled away; I saw how you tried to talk to me. But I couldn’t think about it, because this, between us, it can’t happen.”

 

Jared shook his head. “Bullshit. No one gives a crap about who I go to bed with and no one needs to know about it anyway.”

 

“I won’t be one of your fuck-buddies,” Jensen spit out. Having Jared and knowing it was just sex for Jared would destroy him.

 

“Why not?” Jared narrowed his eyes. “It’s not like you don’t have affairs.”

 

“Yeah, but I don’t give a crap about them. I don’t want to _have_ them.”

 

“But you want to have me,” Jared said, almost triumphantly.

 

Jensen squared his shoulders. “This is not one of your negotiations. This conversation is over.”

 

“Because you’d rather have me go to Stephen?”

 

Jensen ground his jaw and turned away but Jared continued.

 

“You want him to hold me, to have me?” Jared’s voice cut through the room, right through Jensen’s heart, a sharp, hot, searing pain. “You want Stephen to kiss me, to take off my clothes, to fuck me?”

 

Something inside of Jensen snapped. The idea of Jared in bed with Stephen was too much. Just the thought of his hands all over Jared’s skin, wrapped in those long strands of silky hair — Jensen whirled around, and with three long strides he was right in front of Jared and it was his hands now buried in Jared’s hair.

 

“You’re not going to bed with that smarmy asshole,” Jensen ground out between clenched teeth. When Jared opened his mouth, probably to protest, Jensen pulled him in and covered his lips in an unforgiving kiss.

 

Jared kissed him back, his mouth opening under Jensen’s, letting him in immediately while his hands dug into Jensen's shoulders. They were standing close, but not close enough. Jensen needed to feel Jared with every inch of his body, needed to show him that there was no space for Amell.

 

Jensen drew back. “He’s never going to touch you.” He leaned in again to suck Jared’s bottom lip into his mouth, then made his way down the long column of his neck, needing to taste, to mark. He knew he’d regret this tomorrow, but right now he didn’t care.

 

Jared threw his head back wantonly and Jensen licked and bit at his tan neck, unable to get enough of the slightly salty tang of Jared’s skin, the scent of him.

 

“Fuck you,” Jared ground out. “You can’t tell me what to do.”

 

“The fuck I can’t,” Jensen muttered darkly and pushed Jared backwards. He needed a hard surface to pin him against and he didn’t care if it was the wall or furniture. Jared stumbled backwards, too focused on running his hands over Jensen’s shoulders to pay attention to where he walked. Jensen had enough presence of mind to maneuver them towards the bed.

 

“You fucking asshole.” Jared’s breathing was choppy and his hands didn’t stop in their exploration of Jensen’s body.

 

“You really want Stephen, huh?” Jensen asked and bit a mark low on Jared’s throat.

 

Jared groaned. “He’d treat me well.”

 

Rage shot through Jensen. “Really? You think he could give you what you need?” Amell wasn’t half the man he needed to be to be good enough for Jared — to worship him, care for him, satisfy him; to protect him, and to challenge him.

 

“Well,” Jared panted out, “it’s not like you’re giving me what I need either.”

 

With a growl, Jensen started ripping off Jared’s shirt. “I’ll give you exactly what you need.”

 

He got rid of his own jacket and shirt and pushed Jared down onto the bed. Jared went willingly, scooting up on the bed, legs already spread, and Jensen crawled after him, toeing off his boots in the process. He reached for Jared's pants, pulling them down, and Jared raised his hips to help.

 

For a moment, Jensen froze, couldn’t do anything but stare at Jared’s naked body spread out below him. Color was rising on Jared’s cheeks but he pushed his chin out.

 

“What are you waiting for, huh? Scared you’re not as good as Stephen?”

 

Oh, that was it.

 

“You little shit.” Jensen bent down to nose at the jut of Jared’s hip bone and then licked and kissed his way up Jared’s stomach and chest.

 

“Not so little,” Jared said and reached up to dig his fingers into Jensen's shoulder.

 

Jared was still entirely too snarky. Jensen dug his teeth softly into the spot where Jared’s pulse was hammering away in his throat and Jared let out a gratifying moan.

 

Jensen gripped Jared’s hips and rolled him onto his stomach, a hand between his shoulder blades to keep him down. “You think Stephen could give you this?” he asked, then moved down his back, tracing the knobs of his spine with his lips before biting into Jared’s round asscheek.

 

“Maybe,” Jared panted out.

 

“Really?” Jensen asked and trailed his mouth lower.

 

“He—” Jared started but the rest trailed off in a moan when Jensen licked over his rim.

 

Jared opened up so eagerly under Jensen’s mouth, pushing his hips back insistently. But it wasn’t enough and Jensen drew back to figure out how to proceed.

 

“Nightstand,” Jared said and pointed somewhere to the left of the bed. “There’s oil.”

 

“I’m gonna kill him,” Jensen muttered while he was searching the nightstand. “Already stashing supplies, as if you were a sure thing, as if you were easy.”

 

“That might start a war,” Jared said, his voice hoarse. He was already raising his hips, straining for Jensen, and Jensen reverently ran one hand over Jared’s perfect ass while he opened the little bottle of oil with the other.

 

“I don’t give a shit,” Jensen said and pushed two fingers into Jared.

 

Jared let out a punched-out breath and arched his spine.

 

“So fucking beautiful.” Jensen held Jared’s hip with one hand while he stretched him with the other.

 

“Enough,” Jared bit out. “I’m ready.”

 

“You can’t give me orders here, _Your Highness_ ,” Jensen said.

 

“Fuck.” Jared let his head fall forward. “Please, Jensen.”

 

Jensen didn’t know if it was the please or Jared using his given name or maybe both, but it twisted something inside of him. Heat coursed through his body, and he was lining himself up and pushing inside before he realized what he was doing. He just knew he needed to have Jared _now_ , right this moment, needed to feel him everywhere and give him exactly what he wanted.

 

“Yes.” Jared looked over his shoulder and shot Jensen a look of wild triumph.

 

Jensen leaned forward, caught Jared’s mouth in a kiss, and fucked into him with short, hard thrusts.

 

Jensen had never let himself fantasize about Jared, but if he had, he didn’t think he could have imagined the perfect feeling of Jared’s body surrounding him, how hot and tight he was, and how fucking complete Jensen felt, right here, joined together with Jared.

 

Right now, Jared was his, utterly and completely, as he moaned his name and pushed back to chase the feeling of Jensen’s body, hands grappling the sheets for leverage.

 

It filled Jensen with a dark, burning satisfaction, but it wasn’t enough. He bent forward, fitted his hand on top of Jared’s, intertwined their fingers, and sought out Jared’s mouth again. Jared arched his back even more and craned his neck to meet Jensen’s lips. Jensen sat back and moved Jared with him, pulled him down into his lap, deeper on his dick. Jared’s head fell back on Jensen’s shoulder, the muscles in his thighs straining to keep moving.

 

Jensen wrapped one arm around Jared’s body to guide his movements and kept hold of Jared's hand with his other.

 

“Please.” Jared’s voice was completely shot, every syllable scratching its way out of his throat. “Jensen, please, I’m so close, you need to touch me.”

 

Jensen was close himself, the pressure building low in his belly. He slid his hand down, wrapped it around Jared’s hard dick. “I got you, sweetheart.”

 

Jared moaned, his body tensing, and he came almost immediately all over Jensen’s hand.

 

Jensen watched over Jared’s shoulder and felt as his whole body tightened up, enveloping Jensen’s cock in a vice-tight grip. Jensen turned his head into Jared’s neck to taste the sweat on his skin and to muffle his own shout of Jared’s name when he came. The pleasure was so intense his body went weak with it, and he slumped forward, taking Jared with him. They fell into the soft pillows, and Jared stretched and hummed, half-turning in Jensen’s arms to press his mouth against Jensen’s.

 

They kissed, lazy and wet, lips sliding and tongues brushing, breathing each other in.

 

“You know,” Jared said quietly, “we could have been doing this for years if we hadn't been so stupid.”

 

Unbidden, the picture of seventeen-year-old Jared with his coltish legs and his wide eyes appeared in Jensen’s mind, and he imagined pushing him into the hay after their first confrontation, confessing that he’d been watching him because he was just so fucking beautiful, inside and out. Jensen imagined Jared’s pleased little smile, imagined taking his clothes off and taking him right there, Jeff and all consequences be damned — fuck.

 

Jensen sat up, disentangling himself from Jared.

 

“What?” Jared asked, only mildly alarmed, his body still heavy and slow.

 

“We couldn’t have back then,” Jensen pressed out, “and we can’t now.”

 

Jared raised one eyebrow. “I’m pretty sure we just did.”

 

They had. The blood in Jensen’s veins ran cold. He’d just fucked his prince, the man his king had put in his charge. After years of repressing and ignoring his feelings, it was all for nothing, destroyed in a single moment of irrational jealousy. _Fuck._

 

He was out of the bed in a moment, staring at the crumpled loose sheets, at Jared’s long, naked body. Slowly, Jared sat up, eyes boring into Jensen. “Jensen, what's going on?”

 

“We can’t do this.” Jensen waved between them, trying to encompass everything. “You’re my prince.”

 

Jared drew a deep breath and then moved to get out of the bed, slowly, as if he was approaching a skittish animal. Jensen was still rooted to the spot, unable to look away from the red mark blooming on Jared’s neck, the red fingertip-shaped spots on his hips. Jensen clenched and unclenched his fingers, felt the muscles and joints strain like after a hard workout with his sword.

 

“Jensen, I’ve wanted you since the moment I came to court.” Jared’s voice was low, soft — soothing. “And so did you. I know it's not going to be easy, but we can figure this out.”

 

Jensen shook his head and forced himself to turn around. He needed to put distance between himself and Jared — miles, rivers and mountains, moats and walls so he’d stop wanting to touch him again. In lieu of any of those options he decided to at least put some clothes on.

 

“Fuck.” Behind him, Jensen could hear Jared leaving the bed, rustling, presumably putting on his own clothes. “Jensen, you can't just fuck me and leave like I’m some cheap whore.”

 

Jensen whirled around. “Is that what you think just happened? When you were the one goading me—”

 

“Oh, so what, this is my fault? Jared asked angrily, “Did I force you to do any of this? Because my body says otherwise.” Jared had only put on pants and his fingers were tracing the marks Jensen’s hands had left all over his upper body.

 

“No!” Jensen drew in a deep breath. He needed to clear his head, be rational about this. “I’m not saying I didn’t want this, because I did. But Jared, we can’t.”

 

“Give me one good reason,” Jared demanded.

 

“You're the prince,” Jensen said. “I’m the captain of the guard. That’s all the reason we need.” Jared opened his mouth to protest. “You’re the prince, Jared. I’m a commoner.” Jensen cut him off harshly. “And no matter what title I hold, I’ll always be a country boy who’s only good with a sword.”

Jared closed his mouth, licked his lips, and Jensen could see the wheels turning in his head, preparing the next argument.

 

“You can’t just give up,” Jared started.

 

“There’s nothing to give up, Jared, because we don’t have anything. And nothing will ever change how we were born,” Jensen said, trying to put finality into his words. “We can never be anything other than a quick, dirty fuck hidden behind closed doors and I won’t do that. Not to you and not to myself.”

 

Jared flinched like Jensen had slapped him and Jensen balled his hands into fists so he wouldn’t reach out to comfort him. His fingernails painfully dug into his skin and Jensen used the pain to ground him.

 

“We can find a way, Jensen,” Jared said, pleading almost. “This, what we have, it’s real. There’s always a way, and we can figure this out, together. Just—”

 

“Look, I know you think this is some sort of big love,” Jensen said harshly. He was already hating himself for it, but Jared was like a dog with a bone; he would never give up. And if Jensen didn’t want to fall into bed with Jared time and time again, only to steal out the next morning, he needed to make Jared stop. “But this was just sex. You don’t want me; you just love the challenge of going after something impossible.”

 

“You don’t get to tell me what I feel,” Jared said angrily. “And you want to tell me you don’t feel anything for me?” he asked incredulously. “The whole ‘Amell isn’t good enough for me’ spiel, that was what? Just theater?”

 

“Of course not,” Jensen scoffed. “You're Jeff’s little brother; you’re my charge. You're my city’s prince and just as I protect my city, I protect you.”

 

Jared shook his head. “No. You wanted me. You always have — you said so yourself!”

 

“Of course,” Jensen forced himself to say offhandedly, like it was nothing. “You're beautiful; you’ve always been beautiful. Only a blind man wouldn’t want you.” He swallowed. “And tonight, you were practically throwing yourself at me. I shouldn’t have given in, but I’m only human.”

 

It flashed through his mind — Jared goading him, the anger and jealousy rising, wanting to kill Amell with his bare hands but wanting to touch Jared more. The shame of it made bile rise in Jensen’s throat. And to blame his own shortcomings on Jared, it was the worst thing he’d ever done in his life.

 

“I apologize,” Jensen said formally, ignoring how his heart tore and splintered in his chest under Jared’s horrified stare. “I made an error in judgment, and for that I apologize.”

 

For a moment it was all there, etched into Jared’s face, the hurt and the disappointment, the longing and the disbelief, before it was washed away in an expression of pure anger. Jared had never given an inch, had always faced every challenge and any opposition head on. Now he raised his head, eyes glinting with rage. “I don’t accept.”

 

Jensen inclined his head. “Then that’s my punishment.” He turned around and left, not looking back. He didn’t stop until he reached his own room and closed the wooden door behind him. He leaned against it, exhaled heavily, and allowed himself a moment of weakness. Allowed himself to remember Jared, the feel of his hair and the taste of his skin. Jensen knew he’d never be able to forget. Then he forced himself to recall Jared’s expression when Jensen had told him he didn’t want him. Didn't even want to try. When he’d told Jared he was nothing but a cheap fuck.

 

He swirled around and slammed his fist into the door. The wood shook and cracked. Jensen drew his arm back and let his fist fly, again and again, until the skin of his knuckles was as cracked as the door and blood was running down his hand. Then he turned towards the room. He had to pack and prepare for tomorrow’s journey.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A giant, seriously ginourmous thank you to dancing_adrift for last minute helping, plot straightening, betaing and generally being an amazing ~~beta~~ person.

 

 

No one spoke on their journey back. Jensen didn’t know if Jared had told Chad or if Chad had drawn his own conclusions but he spent the entire ride shooting daggers at Jensen with his eyes. Jared himself was calm — too calm. He didn’t even look at Jensen and only spoke to the others when necessary. There was a tension in his body, like he was ready to snap at the slightest disturbance. Jensen gave him a wide berth and his people took their cues from him.

 

They noticed Jensen’s mood as well. Chris, who'd known him the longest, was the only one who talked to him. In short, almost careful sentences Chris discussed taking breaks and where to make camp. Whatever he saw on Jensen’s face, it was enough to make him keep his distance.

 

At night, Jensen couldn’t fall asleep for a long time. When he finally did, Jared haunted his dreams. But it wasn’t the sex Jensen dreamed of, it was Jared’s hurt and angry expression when Jensen told him it was a mistake.

 

During the day, their monotonous ride wasn’t enough to keep Jensen’s mind away from the last few days. While he managed to force himself from reliving their night together, his mind insisted on clinging to Jared. So Jensen let the days with Amell run through his head, trying to figure out why Jared was so interested in the mines and what he and Amell had talked about in the rose garden.

 

He was pretty sure about the first one; there had been rumors of ore discoveries in Palto, so it would make sense if Jared wanted to set up their own mining communities, maybe with the help of some of Amell’s miners. Getting help from Amell would be tricky, especially if it would affect Amell’s ore exports in the future, but Jensen was sure Jared would find a way. Jared was brilliant and — Jensen stopped his train of thought there. Admiring Jared’s talent would not help him to get over him in any way.

 

But Jared’s conversation with Amell... Jensen couldn’t get that out of his mind either. He wanted to think that what had kept Jared from Amell were his feelings for Jensen, but then he berated himself. It was selfish, to wish that Jared’s feelings ran deeper than a crush, were more than mere real attraction. And if Jared truly felt more for Jensen — that hurt even more. The possibility of it, of being together… but Jensen couldn't think of something that was impossible. He wouldn’t be Jared’s affair; he wouldn’t go to bed with him at night and hide during the day. Jared deserved better. And Jensen knew it would tear him apart, having only half of Jared. Especially when at some point, Jared would marry. Just thinking about sharing him, the rage boiled in Jensen. He couldn’t do it.

 

Not that it mattered. Jared might be attracted to him physically, but everything else was wishful thinking. They hadn’t had a real conversation in years. Jared had a crush and couldn’t let go of something until he was successful, that was all there was to it. Jensen stared ahead over Amell’s green fields and told himself that it was better this way.

 

He rode in silence, focusing on his next tasks. He’d have to check back in on the recruits, there’d be reports to read, letters and inquiries to answer, and he’d have to plan his next inspection. It was scheduled for next month, but Jensen could move it up. His lieutenants might complain but Jensen needed distance. He just couldn’t be around Jared now.

 

When they got back to the Blue City, Jared dismounted his horse, then turned to Jensen. “We’re done, _Captain_.”

 

Jensen could hear how all the activity stopped around them. He focused on Jared, on the barely contained hurt and anger on his face. “Whatever you wish, Your Highness,” he said softly. “I’ll be here if you ever have need of me,” he added because he needed Jared to know that despite everything, he’d always be there for him.

 

Jared’s nostrils flared. “Trust me, that will never be the case.”

 

Woodenly, Jensen turned around and lead his horse to its box. He got through his chores without thinking about them. He needed to focus. He had to report to Jeff and he couldn’t let him know what had happened between him and Jared in Starling.

 

Feeling as if a giant hole in his chest was draining the life out of him, Jensen managed to have a brief conversation with Jeff. The king was satisfied with the situation — “I should have known Amell was just pining after Jared,” he chuckled, and for a brief moment Jensen wanted to slam his fist into Jeff’s face. Then the shame washed over him. His feelings for Jared were driving him insane if he was considering assaulting his king.

 

Jeff turned back to his papers and Jensen was dismissed. He’d write a report, of course, but his time was his own again. It passed. He answered letters, read reports, inspected the recruits. Jensen gave every task his complete attention. He left no room for his thoughts to wander. He had practice with that. And yet, it felt different. The hole in his chest didn't close. The joy and satisfaction he’d felt in doing his job was gone. The peace he’d felt after a long, fruitful day of work wouldn’t come. There was only Jared’s face, marred by the pain Jensen had put there. So Jensen started running laps at night, until he barely managed to wash himself before falling into bed. He couldn’t remember his dreams in the morning, but he woke every morning with a feeling of bleak hollowness.

 

He didn’t see Jared. Jensen was avoiding the places he knew Jared spent his time and it seemed Jared was doing the same. Just as well. It was better this way.

 

Jeff summoned Jensen to his study five days after they got back.

 

“I got your report,” he said and held up the paper Jensen had submitted the day after he came back.

 

“Do you have any questions?” Jensen asked.

 

“Just one.” Jeff put the paper down with a hard look. “Why is Jared running around looking like someone drowned his puppy, especially after his extremely successful trip, and why do you keep avoiding me?”

 

Jensen swallowed. He’d known that Jared was angry but for Jeff to see him sad… He squashed down the hope that threatened to bloom in his chest. He would gain nothing if Jared had feelings for him, nothing but Jared suffering. And right now he was in Jeff’s study and his king was looking at him expectantly.

 

“Technically, that’s two questions,” Jensen said, trying to buy some time.

 

“Jensen.”

 

Jensen took a deep breath. With the way Jeff had phrased the question, this was not an inquiry. He already knew what had happened — it probably hadn’t taken him long to put two and two together — and this was the punishment. But Jensen was too tired to play games. “You already know the answer. Why are you asking me?”

 

“Actually, I only know half the answer. I know why Jared’s moping. But I don’t know why you can’t meet my eyes.” Jeff reclined in his chair and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Is it because you took advantage of Jared and can’t stand to face his big brother?”

 

“I would never do that. Sire,” Jensen added.

 

The corners of Jeff’s mouth lifted into a self-contented smile. “Then it’s because you love him, but think you can’t be with him. So you pushed him away. And you know that that’s hurting him, which is why you can’t even meet my eyes right now. You know you’re responsible for my little brother’s pain.”

 

Jensen forced himself to look into Jeff’s eyes. “I apologize. I never wanted to hurt him. I should have been stronger, I should have said no. And I had no idea it would affect him this much. But I swear, it won’t happen again.”

 

“I thought there was something between the two of you,” Jeff said slowly, “back when Jared first came to court. I certainly noticed that he was pining after you, the idiot. But I thought it was just a crush, until I made you Captain of the Guard and you pushed Jared away. Jared was heartbroken.” Jeff stabbed a finger at Jensen viciously. “For months, the boy threw himself into his work, barely slept or did anything fun just to get over you.”

 

“Sire.” Jensen felt helpless in the face of Jeff’s rage, of Jared’s pain.

 

“Back then I thought you pushed him away because you didn’t want to encourage that crush,” Jeff continued mercilessly, apparently intent on making Jensen relive his entire history with Jared. “I thought it was because you saw him as my little brother. But I was wrong, wasn’t I?” Jeff leaned back and his expression was annoyingly smug. “You returned his feelings, but you pushed him away because you thought it was impossible.”

 

Jensen smiled self-deprecatingly. “Also wrong. I had no idea Jared wanted me like that. I had an inkling that he might have a crush but I never let myself think about it. It would have made it just so much worse for me. Because you're right; I wanted him. From the day he came here. And I couldn’t — I had to leave.”

 

Jeff frowned. “But if you know that he wants you now—”

 

“It wouldn’t be enough,” Jensen said harshly. “I can’t just meet him in dark corners, sleep with him, and then pretend nothing’s going on during the day. I want him, all of him. It’s not just about the sex.”

 

Jeff nodded. “You love him.”

 

Jensen huffed and looked up at the stony ceiling. “Yeah, I do.”

 

Jeff smiled. “Jensen, our city is stable. We’re at peace. There’s no possible danger we couldn’t handle and the only alliance we need to forge will happen when the Duchess of Harvelle finally agrees to marry me.” Jeff’s eyes were glinting; he was loving the chase the duchess had sent him on.

 

“I don’t see what that has to do with me,” Jensen said.

 

Jeff grinned. “I don’t need Jared for a political marriage.”

 

Jensen froze. “He’s still a noble.”

 

“He’s a bastard,” Jeff said offhandedly. “Besides, I’m the king. And if I say that my little brother can marry the captain of the guard, then my brother can damn well marry the captain of the guard.”

 

Jensen’s mouth went dry. He swallowed, trying to understand, trying to find the words. “So you're saying…”

 

Jeff grinned his self-satisfied smile. “I’m saying that if my brother can forgive you for your stupidity, then you can get married.”

 

“Stupidity?” Jensen croaked out.

 

Jeff raised an eyebrow, just like his brother when he was about to state the obvious. “You didn’t think I would forbid this, did you? I love Jared, he’s my brother. And you’re my friend, Jensen. I want you happy. And I don’t give a crap what anyone says about that.”

 

Secretly, Jensen had always thought Jeff actually liked provoking people with his unconventional style, seeing them flustered but unable to oppose him. But this was different.

 

“I’m a commoner, Jeff. People will think I’m trying to sleep my way up. They might even think that I want to usurp the throne!”

 

It wouldn’t be the first time a military leader had snuck his way into the royal family and deposed a ruler. But Jeff just laughed.

 

Fine. There was more than one concern here. “Being with me could tarnish Jared’s reputation,” Jensen pointed out. “Marrying a commoner might even bring trouble for him on diplomatic missions.”

 

Jeff shook his head. “Jensen, no one who’s ever met you will think that you’d want to usurp the throne. Besides, you shouldn’t underestimate your reputation. The way people talk about you, you might as well be a lord. I can’t think of a single one of our allies who’d think less of Jared for marrying you. And most of our more distant allies would probably respect him more for it. Your name carries a lot of weight, Jensen.” Jeff leaned back, pensive expression on his face. “Who knows, this might even appease the last of the conservative fuckers who don’t think Jared should be at court. A bastard married to a commoner would never be allowed to ascend the throne. Maybe they’d finally stop seeing him at the center of every intrigue then.”

 

Dazed, Jensen shook his head. He had never thought it about it like that, hadn’t ever considered that there would be a way for him and Jared to be together.

 

“Now, I’m still mad at you.”

 

Jensen sat up straight. “Of course. And you're right, however you want to punish me, I’ll take it, I never should have touched him and I—”

 

“Jensen, I’m not mad about that. I mean, I don’t really want to think about it because he’s my little brother.” Jeff pulled a grimace. “But if you don’t fix this — and by fixing this I mean grovel for an apology and then spend the rest of your life making Jared happy — I will banish you to the outskirts of my empire and make you train peasants into archers, do you understand?”

 

Jensen opened his mouth, then thought better of it. So he just nodded.

 

Jeff smiled. “Good man. Now get out of here. I need to figure out how to realize Jared’s latest insane idea.”

 

Jensen stood. “Poaching miners from Amell?”

 

Jeff nodded, his face dark. “Kid’s a genius but this will not go over well with Amell, especially not after he gets wind of the two of you.”

 

Jensen raised an eyebrow. “Don’t tell me Jared doesn’t already have a solution.”

 

“Fewer export duties on ore for Amell. The treasury will take a hit, but in the long run it’ll cost us less to mine the ore in Palto. I just need to get it past the council; they hate anything that cuts back on revenue.”

 

Jensen grinned. “But that’s why you’re king. You can handle the council.”

 

Jeff pointed a finger at Jensen. “Sweet-talking won’t save you. Now go. I don’t want to see either of you again until you have that disgusting, happy, newly-engaged glow around you.”

 

Jensen bowed and left. He felt strangely light, almost like the world around him wasn’t real, no walls or doors to hold him. Jared loved him and Jeff had given them his blessing. Everything he’d never allowed himself to want was within his reach and there was no way he wasn’t taking it. He just needed Jared to forgive him for the whole episode in Starling. Jared, who loved him. Who had loved him all this time. Jensen took a deep breath. He had a feeling Jared still wouldn’t make it easy on him.

 

Jensen reached the door to Jared’s rooms just as Chad stepped out.

 

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Chad hissed at him, closing the door quickly. “Jared told you to fuck off.”

 

If Jared really loved Jensen, Chad’s behavior towards Jensen made a lot more sense.

 

“I came to apologize,” Jensen said.

 

Chad crossed his arms in front of his chest. “He doesn’t need your fucking apology.”

 

“I think he might like to hear it anyway.”

 

Chad just raised his eyebrows in disbelief.

 

“Jeff gave us his blessing,” Jensen said because he would not stand outside of Jared’s doors, arguing with Chad when it was Jared he needed to argue with. “So if Jared can forgive me, we can be together.”

 

Chad opened his mouth, then closed it again. He cocked his head, blinking at Jensen like a bird. “You want to be with Jared?”

 

“I love him,” Jensen said, his voice calm and unwavering. It felt good to speak the truth. “I always have.”

 

“Ha!” Chad stabbed a finger at Jensen. “I fucking knew it. You’re still a giant asshole but I guess I can let you in.” He stepped to the side. “But you hurt him again and I’ll rip your balls off and eat them right in front of your eyes.”

 

Jensen nodded solemnly and Chad opened the door for him.

 

“Don’t screw it up,” Chad hissed at him, and Jensen squared his shoulders.

 

“I won’t. Not this time.”

 

Inside, Jared’s rooms were warm and welcoming. Jensen hadn’t been in here in years and he liked how Jared had decorated. The rooms weren’t cluttered but he’d brought back souvenirs from all of his travels; paintings, sculptures, and other works of art hung on the walls and stood on dressers and Jared’s giant desk.

 

“What did you forget this time?” Jared’s voice came from the room nextdoor. Jensen walked towards it.

 

Jared came through the door and froze. “I thought you were Chad,” he said after a heartbeat that felt like an eternity.

 

Jared was barefoot and he’d gotten rid of his jacket. He looked soft and inviting in just his pants and a linen shirt.

 

“I’m not Chad,” Jensen said, stupidly.

 

“Didn’t I tell you we were done?” Jared asked coldly and turned away without waiting for Jensen’s answer.

 

“Jared.”

 

Jared whirled around angrily. “No. You don’t get to ‘Jared’ me, _Captain_.”

 

Jensen took a step towards him. “Jared, I want to apologize.”

 

“I already told you I don’t accept. What you did—”

 

Jensen cut him off. “I know. I was a coward.”

 

“Damn right you — a coward,” Jared repeated, confused. His brow creased.

 

“I love you,” Jensen said, and he saw the surprise spread over Jared’s features. “I always have. And I thought I would never be able to say that to you. Because being with you in secret would have destroyed me, destroyed us.”

 

“You love me,” Jared repeated slowly. “So, all the things you said in Starling…”

 

“I lied.” Jensen rubbed a hand over his face. “Look, I hate that I did that. But I thought we could never be together and I needed you to stop.”

 

“So you lied.” Jared’s voice was flat, his face carefully expressionless.

 

“I couldn’t—” Jensen stopped, drew a deep breath. He needed to tell Jared the truth; he _deserved_ to hear the truth. “I was weak. Being around you, I can’t think. I’m not proud of that, and when you were talking about going to bed with Amell, I lost it. And I shouldn’t have. So, after, I needed you to back off and I couldn’t think of another way.”

 

“Because you didn’t think we could be together,” Jared said, still in a neutral tone.

 

Helplessly, Jensen nodded. Jared wasn’t giving him anything to go on, no way to read his mood. Jared was a master negotiator and he was playing with Jensen like a cat with a mouse.

 

Jared turned away, his shoulders tense. “What changed your mind?” he asked, still facing away from Jensen.

 

“Jeff gave us his blessing,” Jensen said. “He said he doesn’t care that I’m a commoner and he doesn’t care what anyone will think. He just wants us happy.”

 

“And he thinks, what, marrying you will make me happy?” Jared’s voice was strained.

 

Jensen was starting to get a really bad feeling about this. What if Jeff had been wrong? What if Jared didn’t love him, didn’t want to marry him? What if Jared had just wanted sex?

 

Jensen swallowed. “He seems to think so.”

 

“And you want that, to marry me?” Jared asked.

 

“I love you,” Jensen said simply. “Of course I want to marry you.”

 

Jared whirled around, his face tight with barely controlled anger. “You know, I thought you might be lying, back in Starling. I couldn’t be sure of course, because you were really convincing, but when you kissed me, when you _fucked_ me, I really thought you loved me.” Jared’s tone was crass and it made Jensen flinch. “I thought you wanted me, just like I’ve always wanted you, but then you shut me out.”

 

“Because I didn’t want to make it harder!”

 

“You basically called me a whore!” Jared exploded. “You told me, to my face, that you’d fucked me because I was easy, because I threw myself at you.”

 

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart, I swear, I—”

 

“Don’t call me that!” Jared glared at him.

 

Jensen shut his mouth forcefully. He hadn’t even realized what he was doing.

 

Jared pointed a finger at him. “You don’t get to call me that, not after what you said to me.”

 

“I’m sorry.” Jensen raised his hands placatingly. “I know I was an ass. What I said to you, it’s inexcusable. But Jared, you gotta believe me, I love you.”

 

Jared ground his jaw. “I believe you.”

 

Relief flooded Jensen. “Okay. Good.” He took a step towards Jared and Jared took one back. Jensen froze. It felt like his whole body shut down. “But you don’t love me back. Jeff was wrong, wasn’t he?”

 

“Oh gods, you’re so stupid.” Jared threw his hands up and started to pace. “Of course I love you, you idiot. I always have.”

 

Jensen felt a giant smile spread over his face, couldn’t help it, really. But Jared crossed his arms in front of his chest and glared at him.

 

“You love me,” Jensen repeated, just to make sure because right now Jared looked like he wanted to skewer him over an open flame.

 

“I do,” Jared bit out coldly.

 

“Okay, then what is the problem? I know you’re mad,” Jensen continued before Jared could interrupt him, “and you have every right to be. And I swear, I will apologize to you until my dying day if that’s what you want, and I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. But Jared, we can be together. Just like you wanted. We’ll figure it out.” Jensen took a step back. “And if you need time to forgive me, then I’ll give you all the time you need.” Jensen forced himself to take another step backwards. “I’ll be here, whenever you’re ready.”

 

“The question isn’t when I’ll forgive you but _if_ I’ll forgive you.” Jared let out a harsh laugh. “You want to know what the problem is? The problem is that I wanted us to figure it out together. But you didn't trust that we could do it. You didn’t think I could find a way. That actually hurt the most, you know.”

 

Jared huffed. “I didn’t care how hard it might be, how impossible, but I wanted to try. Together, with you. And you just took that option off the table, without consulting me. I’m not a wide-eye princeling from the province anymore that needs protection,” Jared said with glinting eyes. “I am a grown man, Jensen. I’m a diplomat. I negotiate treaties and agreements that affect the entire Blue City’s sphere of influence.” Jared made an impatient throw-away hand gesture. “Sure, I do a lot of the representative, kissing-babies and cutting-ribbons stuff, but I prevent provinces from going to war. I get us trade deals that allow us to build new universities, and just last year I prevented a civil war on the Copper Islands by sorting out their succession dispute.”

 

Jensen nodded. “I know all this.” Of course he did. He might have avoided Jared in person, but he knew about everything he’d done. He was as well informed as Jeff about Jared's achievements, and it had filled him with so much pride to see Jared succeed.

 

“I followed every one of your accomplishments and I was so proud, every single time. I know exactly who you are and what you can do, Jared.”

 

Jared dragged a hand through his hair. “Then why didn’t you want to try? Why didn’t you want to try with me?”

 

“Because I knew you’d be able to find a way,” Jensen ground out. “You always find a way. And it would have been a way I couldn’t walk because I swore an oath to my king,” Jensen said. There was no bitterness in his voice, because he’d never regret this fact. But his heart was heavy and weary because he wished he could make Jared the most important thing in his life. He loved him more than his king and his kingdom, but his service would always have to come first. Jared needed to know that. It wouldn’t be fair otherwise. And if that meant Jared wouldn’t want to be with him, then Jensen had to bear it.

 

“No matter how much I love you, no matter how badly I want to be with you, I will never break that oath. I will never do anything to harm Jeff or his position. And short of Jeff telling the whole world to go screw themselves to allow us to marry — because that’s what _he_ wants to do — there was no possibility of that happening.”

 

Jared’s shoulders slumped.

 

“If you had asked me to run away with you,” Jensen said, fighting to keep his voice even, “I would have said no. If you had asked me to get married without Jeff’s knowledge and present him with the unchangeable result, I would have said no.” Jensen swallowed around the lump in his throat. “If you had asked me to beg Jeff for his consent, to prey on his love for you and me to get him to agree, I would have said no. It would have killed me, and I don’t think I’d ever be able to feel a single moment of joy in my life after saying no to you, but I would never have broken my oath to my king.”

 

Jared huffed and shook his head.

 

“Jared, I would die for you in a heartbeat,” Jensen said, desperate to make him understand. “I would do anything to make you happy. But I cannot break my oath.”

 

Jared stared at him silently for a moment before his lips tilted up in a small smile. “I know.”

 

“You know?” Jensen repeated.

 

Jared raised his shoulders in a resigned shrug. “You wouldn’t be the man I love if you’d break your oath.”

 

“Then why,” Jensen started, confused.

 

“I needed to hear you say it,” Jared said. “I needed you to be honest. I needed to know if you’d finally play with open cards. You’ve been keeping your distance for _years_ , Jensen, pushing me away, ignoring me. I never really knew why. I even believed that I wasn’t good enough, that you thought I was a failure as a diplomat. So I needed you to tell me what’s going on in your head.” A crooked grin flitted across Jared’s mouth. “And after the stunt you pulled in Starling, I sure as shit wasn’t going to make this easy for you.”

 

Jensen could feel a smile tugging at his lips against his will. The little brat.

 

Jared’s eyes narrowed. “I mean it, Jensen, what you said to me...”

 

“I know,” Jensen interjected. “And I’m so sorry. I swear, I didn’t mean a word of it.”

 

Jared gave him a thin-lipped nod.

 

“So where does that leave us?” Jensen asked, tentatively hopeful now.

 

Jared eyed him sharply, eyes searching Jensen’s face then traveling up and down his body. He licked his lips and took a step towards Jensen. “I’m still mad at you.”

 

“You have every right,” Jensen agreed.

 

“And you will make this up to me.” Jared took another step.

 

Jensen nodded. “Of course.”

 

“You will tell me, every day, in extensive detail, how wonderful I am, how much you love and adore me.” Another step. “And I’m allowed to bring this up every time we have a fight.”

 

“Now hold on,” Jensen said, but then Jared took one last step and was standing right in front of him.

 

“You could start now,” Jared said quietly, reaching for Jensen’s hand and guiding it to his hip. “Making it up to me.” He leaned in, his mouth right next to Jensen’s ear, his hair tickling Jensen’s nose.

 

Jensen breathed in Jared’s scent, warm and clean, with a hint of cedar from his soap. His hands raised of their own volition, reaching for the long strands of Jared’s hair that fell almost to his shoulders.

 

“You can tell me how great I am. Without words, if you, you know, lost your ability to speak.” Jared’s voice was low and teasing and his warm breath ghosted over Jensen’s skin.

 

Jensen’s hands tightened in Jared’s hair. “I already told you, I know exactly what you want. And I will give it to you. Always. I promise.”

 

“I’ll hold you to that,” Jared said, gripping the front of Jensen’s shirt, and started dragging him backwards to the bedroom door.

 

Jensen followed him, pushing into his space and kissing him before they hit the door. He got lost in Jared, in the heat of his body and the soft warmth of his mouth. They slammed into the door and Jensen blindly grappled for the handle behind Jared’s back. Jared let out a breathless laugh against Jensen’s mouth and then they stumbled into Jared’s bedroom.

 

Jensen drew back, forcing himself to look around long enough to locate the bed, but it was difficult with Jared pulling on the hem of his shirt and dragging him back at the same time. Fortunately, Jared was going in the right direction.

 

They pulled and tugged at each other’s clothes. Jensen tore Jared’s shirt and Jared almost stumbled over his pants, but when they reached the bed, they were naked. Jensen pushed Jared down into the white sheets, his tan skin almost glowing.

 

He let his eyes travel over every inch of Jared’s body and when he reached his face, a light blush was covering Jared’s cheeks.

 

“Come here.” Jared’s voice was hoarse and he stretched a hand out for Jensen.

 

So Jensen went, slowly. “Last time,” he said, “we rushed. Tonight, I want to take my time.”

 

Jared’s eyes narrowed but Jensen gripped his knees, spread them, and slid into the space between them. And just like that, Jared relaxed, letting Jensen take the lead.

 

“There are things I want,” Jared said quietly, while Jensen ran his fingers reverently over Jared’s stomach and chest, rubbing a hard nipple.

 

Jared sucked in a sharp breath and Jensen tightened his fingers around the hard nub.

 

“What do you want?” Jensen asked and brushed his lips across Jared’s chest, softly biting his nipple.

 

Almost painfully Jared’s hands dug into Jensen’s shoulders. “I want to touch you too.” Jared’s voice was strained. “I want — I love you.”

 

Jensen raised his head to kiss Jared, long and thorough. “I know. I love you too. So much, sweetheart.”

 

“I want to show you.”

 

Jensen pulled back to look at Jared, at his earnest eyes and his slightly flushed cheeks. “Of course.” Jensen rolled around, taking Jared with him until he was settled against the headboard and Jared was sitting in his lap.

 

Jensen ran his hands up Jared’s sides, his chest, making sure to rub over his nipples and then took his face into his hands. “What do you want to show me?”

 

Jared leaned down to kiss Jensen, moved lower to suck and bite at his neck. Jensen slammed his head back against the headboard to fight the sudden rush of arousal. His dick was almost painfully hard, rubbing against Jared’s ass but it wasn’t enough and Jensen had to force himself not to push into Jared’s body.

 

Slowly, Jared was making his way down Jensen’s body and even though Jensen knew what was coming, it was still a shock when Jared licked a stripe up the underside of his dick.

 

“I’m sorry, too, you know,” Jared said, choosing this moment to start talking. The little shit.

 

“Whatever you’re sorry for, I forgive you,” Jensen said hurriedly.

 

“For flirting with Stephen?”

 

Jensen reached down to brush Jared’s hair out of his face to see his expression. But instead of remorse or anything resembling contriteness, there was a teasing glint in Jared’s eyes and the corners of his mouth were drawn up in an insolent little smirk. Well, if Jared wanted to play it that way…

 

“Stephen.” Jensen’s voice was a growl low in his throat. It was the pitch he used to bring soldiers in line but thinking of Amell made the tone much more aggressive. Contrary to his soldiers, Jared didn’t seem intimidated by it but aroused, just what Jensen had hoped for.

 

“I definitely haven’t forgiven you for that.”

 

Jared swirled his tongue around the head of Jensen’s dick. “Technically, I was just doing my job.”

 

“The fuck you were,” Jensen said roughly and reached down to drag his thumb along Jared’s jaw, nudging it open. He could see the flash of a smile on Jared’s lips before he sank down on Jensen’s cock once, then pulled back.

 

“Well maybe I can make it up to you?”

 

“We’ll see about that.” Jensen drew in a deep breath when Jared took him into his mouth again.

 

He couldn’t look away from Jared’s head between his legs, couldn’t look away from Jared’s lips stretched around his cock.

 

“That’s it, sweetheart,” he said quietly. “ I almost believe you.”

 

Jared pulled back enough to mutter “unbelievable” and then he went back to sucking Jensen’s dick and this time he was serious. There was no teasing, no drawing it out, he just swallowed Jensen down.

 

“Shit.” Jensen dug his fingers into the comforter so he wouldn’t overstep and pull Jared’s hair but Jared made a muffled needy sound, so Jensen reached out, not guiding, just holding Jared’s head and Jared leaned into his hand, signalling it was okay before going back to making Jensen lose his mind with his mouth.

 

There was no way Jensen would be able to stay in control if Jared kept that up so he reached for Jared’s face and pushed him back. There would come a day he’d let Jared finish him off with his mouth but not today.

 

“Convinced?” Jared asked and it took Jensen a moment to remember their banter and make sense of this.

 

“Yeah,” he said roughly and reached for the oil on the bedside table.

 

“You’re gonna fuck me?” Jared asked, eyes glinting.

 

“That what you want, sweetheart?”

 

Jared licked his lips and nodded. Jensen pulled Jared up and into his lap, reached around to open him up with oil-slick fingers. Jared buried his face in Jensen’s shoulder and pushed his ass into Jensen’s hands.

 

“Please. Jensen.”

 

Jensen hummed. “Not yet, sweetheart.”

 

Jared made a broken little sound, scrabbling to get closer. “I’m ready.”

 

Jensen twisted his fingers, Jared tight but soft around them. “I can feel you are, so fucking ready for me.”

 

“So fuck me already.”

 

Slowly, Jensen redrew his fingers, rubbing his thumb along the rim. “Not yet.”

 

Jared panted heavily into Jensen’s neck. “Why the fuck not?”

 

“I told you, I want to take my time.”

 

“I hate you,” Jared bit out, then turned his face into Jensen’s neck, exploring the spots that made Jensen go crazy with his tongue.

 

Jensen swallowed, ignored the insistent throbbing in his cock and focused on Jared. He catalogued his labored breathing, the sweat gathering on his skin, his heartbeat thumping rabbit-quick in his chest. He felt Jared open up for him, softening and tensing under his hands. The heat of his body called irresistibly to Jensen so he slipped his fingers back inside.

 

Jared pushed back, fucking himself on Jensen’s fingers, wordlessly demanding to get fucked.

 

“You weren't easy for Amell,” Jensen said, remembering Amell stashing the lube in Jared's room, “but you’re easy for me, aren’t you? Opening up so beautifully for me.”

 

Jared let out a whimper, hands tightening on Jensen’s back.

 

With the responsibility Jared carried every time he went on a diplomatic mission, with the pressure that had rested on him for years, Jensen wasn’t surprised Jared wanted him to take the lead now.

 

“It’s alright, I gotcha.” Jensen pitched his voice low and felt Jared shudder and melt into him. “I’m gonna give you what you need, sweetheart, everything you want.”

 

Jared gulped in a breath. “Fuck me, Jensen. Please.”

 

“I will.” Jensen leaned forward and guided Jared on his back, heard the air leaving him in a gasp and then followed him down.

 

Jared had already drawn up his knees, and Jensen ran a hand up his leg, pulled his thigh up even higher, spreading Jared open so he could slide into him. Jared opened up for him but he was still tight. Jensen just pushed forward and Jared threw his head back and moaned his name.

 

Pride and satisfaction wound through Jensen and he slammed in the rest of the way, until he was buried in Jared completely. “That’s it, sweetheart, let me hear you.”

 

Jared’s face was flushed but he reached for Jensen and raised his hips, still demanding more.

 

“Insatiable,” Jensen muttered and bent down to cover Jared’s mouth in a kiss.

 

Then he pulled back to do exactly what Jared wanted. He fucked into him with deep, unhurried strokes, putting his weight behind it but taking his time. Beneath him, Jared was moaning and clutching at him, his hips meeting every one of Jensen’s thrusts and his eyes sparkling in victory.

 

Wild joy filled Jensen, joined the lust and the desire coursing through his body and he bent down to kiss Jared again, to bite at his pink lips, to share the air he breathed and to feel his heart thumping erratically in his ribcage.

 

He had Jared, utterly and completely, there was no one but the two of them, connected on the most intimate level. The force of this knowledge had Jensen hard, harder almost than the feeling of Jared under him and around him.

 

It made the pressure in him rise, made his blood rush faster through his body and he picked up the pace, slamming into Jared faster and faster, couldn’t bear the feeling of not being as close as he could.

 

“Yes.” Jared arched his spine, chased Jensen’s mouth with his lips. “So close, Jensen, please.”

 

Jensen hitched up Jared’s leg to get deeper, be closer, and Jared moaned, threw his head back, the long column of his throat exposed in an invitation Jensen couldn’t decline.

 

He leaned down, bit and licked the salty skin, inhaled Jared with every breath. “Come on, sweetheart, come for me.”

 

Jared shuddered, his fingers scrabbling along Jensen’s back, his short fingernails leaving burning lines down Jensen spine. Jensen welcomed the pain, reveled in the feeling of Jared holding onto him while he fell apart in his arms. Jared’s whole body tensed while his eyes closed and his mouth formed Jensen’s name on a soundless exhale.

 

Jensen slammed his hips forward, fucked Jared through the aftershocks of his release, forcing his own body to hold back, to watch Jared’s face relax in pleasure and joy. Then Jared’s eyes, pupils blown so wide Jensen had no hope of identifying the myriad of colors in them, focused on Jensen and his hands cradled Jensen’s face.

 

“Come on.” Jared’s voice was low and hoarse and he raised his hips. “Want it.”

 

Jared’s demand tipped Jensen over the edge he’d been balancing on. Red-hot pleasure rushed through him, his hips riding out the waves unconsciously. He buried his face in Jared’s neck and came deep inside of him, too overwhelmed for conscious thought or movement.

 

When he came back to himself, Jared was stroking his back lazily and pressing soft kisses to his temple. Jensen propped himself up on his elbows to take his weight off Jared and sought his mouth out for a kiss.

 

“You know,” Jared said, when they pulled apart, “that was probably the worst marriage proposal in history.”

 

“Our entire history so far is a disaster,” Jensen said, regretfully thinking back to all the years he forced himself to ignore Jared and Jared doing the same.

 

“I feel so much better now,” Jared shot back dryly.

 

“Think of it like this: it can only get better from here.”

 

“Better than this?” Jared asked teasingly and pressed his hips against Jensen.

 

Jensen leaned in to suck at Jared’s bottom lip. “Just wait for the honeymoon.”

 

Jared hummed and stretched, aligning his hardening dick with Jensen’s. “How about Palto? It’s nice there this time of year.”

 

Jensen trailed a hand down to cup Jared’s ass. “Palto? Where you want to establish ore mines?” Feather-light, he rubbed along Jared’s crack, sliding his finger along the residual wetness. “Are you planning to work on our honeymoon?”

 

“No,” Jared said, drawing up his legs to give Jensen access.

 

Jensen dug his fingers into the meat of Jared’s ass.

 

Jared let out a breathless laugh. “Fine, but just a little bit. There’ll be plenty of time for this.”

 

“There _is_ a garrison in Palto that’s slacking a bit.”

 

“See,” Jared said triumphantly, pushing Jensen up and then rolling them over to straddle Jensen’s lap. Jensen reached for Jared’s hips, dragging his thumbs over the taut skin covering his hip bones, drawing expanding circles towards his belly.

 

“Then you can go and whip recruits into shape and when you get home, all worked up and sweaty—” Jared put his hands on Jensen’s chest, dragged them down his sweat slick skin, “we can end each day like a real honeymoon.”

 

Jensen caught Jared’s hands and guided them up to his mouth, pressed a kiss to each palm. “Deal.”

 

With a triumphant smile, Jared bent forward to kiss him. “I always make good deals. It’s just what I do.”

 

Jensen grumbled but Jared shut him up with a kiss. Besides, it wasn’t like Jensen didn’t know what he was getting himself into with Jared. And he wouldn't want it any other way.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> You can come find me on tumblr [here](http://ashtray-thief.tumblr.com/).


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